his - ashtray

4

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ASHTRAY;

i was hiding in the back, looking at pay talk to fez and rue. she looked like a fucking bum today. her body looked good though. her hair was straightened to a crisp, i could smell the scent of burned hair, it being concealed with the aroma of coconut and vanilla. i hate fucking coconut. the smell and the fruit, they both smell and taste like shit.

she was fine as fuck though, i'm not going to lie. her tan skin is so smooth, not a hair on her. her eyes are light, they look more beautiful when they get direct sunlight.

i wanted to ruin her, she made me fucking angry. for no reason too. when i moved her out of my way i noticed she got nervous. that's good. i need to make her melt under my fingertips easily, get her attached, and then leave her.

this will be so easy.

i walk out of the back, and i stand next to her, my hand brushing on her back. she shuffles a bit, and gets goosebumps. god this girl is so fucking stupid, she probably thinks i like her.

she knew how to control herself though. i could tell. i've done this before, and girls usually break the moment i touch them. it could be the slightest, most smallest touch and they always give in. i'm still a fucking virgin though, it usually never goes past us making out.

after a couple minutes, rue announces that she's leaving. along with payton.

i tell payton to stay for a while more, saying i need to talk to her about something in the back. she agrees, and i walk her up until we're there. i sit her down at a chair, making her look up at me.

her cheeks turn a red, along with her nose. she looks down, fiddling with her bracelets. "what did you want to talk about?"

i stay quiet. i didn't have anything to talk about, i just wanted to be alone with her.

pay looks up again, a smile tugging on her lips. i wanted to kiss her so badly. the tension in this room was growing, and it was growing rapidly.

all of a sudden, i couldn't take it anymore. i just grabbed her chin and kissed her. she pulled back, looked at me, then kissed back. i slowly got down on my knees, making her look down at me. she wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me closer. in return, i put my hands on her cheeks.

after while, she pulled away saying that she had to go. i said bye, sitting down at my table. i didn't make eye contact while she was leaving. she left hurriedly, shaking a bit.

i notice everything and everyone, i know it doesn't seem like it, but i do. i kind of have to, i have to take care of fez. i would kill for anyone i love, no hesitation. i love fez, hes really the only person i love. an exception for my grandma though, she raised me.

i've never fallen in love romantically. honestly i don't think i ever will, i'm not wired that way. i do want to, don't get my wrong. it's tempting, seeing everyone being in love with eachother and shit. but honestly, i know that whoever i fall in love with, it's never going to last forever. listen, let's say that my partner and me make it and get married. one of us could fall outta love and get divorced, or she or i die. it always ends, no matter what.

it's okay though, it isn't for me.
maybe one day though, i need to find someone who can see past the drug shit. that's not all i am, i know i have little to offer, and i am alot to deal with, but i really think i'm worth the while. hopefully other people think this way too, not only girls.

i go to tell fez to lock up, i'm so fucking tired. i woke up at five in the morning today, i had to pick up some new drugs that fez bought. fez told me to go rest.

i walk to my room, and lay in my bed. i'm thinking about payton, and everything that happened today.

as i'm thinking about her, my eyes slowly start to close, and before i knew it, i was asleep.

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word count: 742