Gianni and Me

Chapter Seventeen

I'm awake all night thinking of him. 

He has fully captured my days, mind, heart, and soul. I've never been so terrified of love in my life. From the moment I met him in that noisy, crowded club, I knew he was going to change the way I saw love. He's not dangerous because of what he's capable of, he's dangerous because he now holds my whole heart. Every smirk, frown, lecture, joke, story, kiss, touch, conversation has grown in my soul and I can't get rid of it. 

I push the covers off of me with a heavy sigh and pace my still dark room. I check the time: 3AM. Still three hours until training starts up again. I should really try to sleep. 

But how can I be around him when this is going on inside of me? There's no way he feels the same, I'm freaked out that I even feel this way. And he warned me, time and time again, why this could never work. I knew from the beginning that he couldn't give me the things I would need. This life- this job of his would never allow a romantic relationship. Especially not with a girl who can barely defend herself. His life is too dangerous, too time consuming. 

But how can I live a life without him, now that I know what it's like to have him? 

Tears build in my eyes as frustration grows in my gut. I roughly rub my face. Dammit. How do I stop this? I could try to avoid him... That could work. Or... I look at my door and pause. 

Maybe I should just call this fake dating thing off. It was fine when I only held fascination and attraction towards him, but... now I'm in danger of the 'L' word. I think the space, and fake breakup might be exactly what I need to protect my heart for the rest of the time here. He would understand. I'm sure of it. He would probably agree with me. But no matter what, I can not tell him the truth. 

I throw a robe over my tank top and shorts, and slip out of my room. 

Getting to his room was actually smoother then I thought it would be. Maybe I was expecting people to be up already... or like guards to stand outside everyone's doors at night. But there was nothing. I walk to the door that has his name on it and pause. Maybe I shouldn't do this. Maybe I should just pretend like everything is okay. I exhale. There's no way he'll buy it. No one- literally no one else reads people and situations the way he does. 

Before I can find a reason to leave, I quietly knock on his door. Hopefully the other Generals are hard sleepers. Doubt it. 

After a few, long seconds, Liam's door slowly and quietly opens. No creak. He keeps the hinges oiled. I scratch my elbow awkwardly when he makes eye contact with me. 

"Olive." His eyes, already concerned, scan me; making sure I'm not hurt. My heart squeezes. "Is something wrong?" His tired sleeping voice sends a shiver down my spine. Yes. Yes, there is something terribly wrong and I can't figure out how to fix it. 

"Can I come in?" I whisper and he immediately opens the door wider. I slip through, avoiding touch at all costs. 

"What's going on?" He asks after he's closed and locked his door. I walk further into his mini apartment and go to grab a glass of water. He only watches with a confused frown. 

"Do you want some water?" My voice is shaky and his whole being straightens at the sound of it. 

"No, I have a water bottle. Thanks." He doesn't ask again, only waits for me to speak. 

Once I have my water in hand, I walk over to his couch and plop down. He stands in front of me with his hands on his hips. That's when it clicks in my brain that he's only wearing black sweats. I blink and look away.