{Silence the specter}{Shin Soukoku}

{Dark season}

!!!Slight abuse and blood warning!!!
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"Is it all a lie.." I can't stop thinking to myself..

"He say's he cares for me, but i can't feel that type of sensation coming from him"

"He tells me, i need to become more powerful, to get and understand my ability more"

"I am trying.."

"Am i not trying hard enough?"

"Will i ever be good enough for him..?"
...

"You good for nothing, do you not understand?!" He kept saying.

"Im training and educating you. And you don't even seem to try and put effort into it." He kept shouting and yelling. Definitely not with a friendly grin on his cold face.

"I'm doing my best, Dazai-san, ill be strong enough for you!" saying this, hardly breathing in and out.. I slowly got back in my last position, ready to attack him, but it didn't last long till i broke down on the ground again. I felt blood dripping through my skin and clothes, through every part of my body, basically, but i didn't have time to react. I needed to act fast in actions like this. But i seemed to fail everytime i tried doing an attack. I did manage to activate Rashoumon at times, but it was for nothing, because i would act to slow.. But  I managed to do atleast something..?My whole surrounding was filled with my own splattered blood everywhere.. But that's not what i needed to care about right now. I need to focus on that devil man standing in front of me.

He's waiting, for me to get up.
So he could beat the crap out of me again, and see me fall on my knees.

Shortly later, after the hellhole training. I slowly walked back home, it felt like my legs are going to break and shatter in every step i took.. Everything in my slim body hurt like hell. My clothes were shredded in some places, but just a little, i wont need to get a new outfit for now.

It hurts.

I wanna be good enough for someone.

Dazai-san saved me, when i thought i was about to be finished off. I wanna recompense for what he did to me, but it just doesn't seem to work.. Atleast for now. I wanna make him proud of me.

I wanna keep training with him, and maybe even surpass him one day. Hopefully that day will be soon..
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Being in the port mafia, maybe does seem a little better than living somewhere on the cold street or in the the dark forest.

Of course.. Being a dangerous.. I might not be..but, being a mafioso really is a dangerous and frustrating duty and can also be pretty disturbing at times. You don't know what the boss might be thinking of assigning next.. He could really think of some crazy shit.

I'm cautious.. I wonder how is Gin doing.Probably better than me. She should already have been back home a long time ago.
I hope she had a good day..