shiver and shake (battinson! bruce wayne oneshot)

shiver and shake

There is a version of you in another life.

She is patient and selfless and inherently good. She represents everything you lack in your current state, and you find yourself thinking of her often. She would figure out how to stay for him; giving up would never be an option and every fiber of your being wishes that you knew that version of yourself as well as you thought you did. You reckon you'll spend a lifetime figuring out how to be her.

It's the all-consuming stillness of his bedroom that brings the memories back in roiling waves. One after the other, a barrage of bad times (patching him up after a particularly bloody evening), and even better beautiful ones (the first time he ever truly had you). He reaches out to you from under the cover of charcoal silk sheets to press a fingertip to the top of your spine. His warm breath on the back of your neck causes you to shiver in mild anticipation and you think you feel him smile against you. You will miss this the most when it's gone- the sheer closeness, and the knowledge that for now, and only in this moment, he is safe from every horror Gotham has to offer.

Crowded as the 2019 benefit gala had been- (an entire hornet's nest of well to-do Gothamites: politicians, attorneys, etc.), the chemistry between you was palpable from the moment you met him- for it was Bruce who caught your gaze and never let it go. In hindsight, it was almost like someone had tied an invisible string from his finger to yours, and then somewhere down the line, fate wiggled her fickle fingers and here you are. Hopelessly in love with someone who could not love you the way that you needed to be loved. And God knows it's not his fault. But each night that he must choose between you, or the beckoning signal in the caliginous night sky (and everything it represents) it splits the very organ that keeps him alive in half.

"You feel lightyears away..." Bruce's voice, heavy from recent slumber, pulls you from your reverie and you swallow hard. Deft fingertips roam the dips and valleys of your hips and back, and this is what you love the most about waking up with him. It's been years, but he still finds ways to touch you that make you feel like he's discovering you for the first time. You revel in it especially now because you know, in your heart, that this is the last morning- and you want to remember everything. He brushes away a stray lock of hair from your shoulder and leans in close, breath ghosting the shell of your ear. "Where are you, kid? Come back to me."

The tender use of your nickname- a private joke between the two of you, pulls at the ache unravelling in your heart.

Taking a deep breath, you turn to face him. Gotham city has yet to awaken fully and what scant light there is in the room bathes him in a wondrous indigo glow. You close your eyes and commit this moment to memory. When you open them again, Bruce is watching you, tentatively. He's close enough that you can still see remnants of black greasepaint around his eyes, the shadow of stubble that grows on the underside of his defined jawline. You trace a fingertip from his forehead, down the bridge of his nose, then around the outline of his slightly chapped lips and your heart breaks when you feel him smile into the touch.

"Bruce?" Your own voice sounds foreign and loud in the stillness.

He turns to press a kiss to the palm of your hand, quirking an eyebrow in question. "Hm?"

"I want you."

If he senses the desperation behind those three words, he makes no mention of it. Instead, he gazes at you for a second and then closes the space between you to press his lips to yours. It's an achingly languid kiss that carries with it an underlying frenzy; he wants this as bad as you do and when he pulls away, you are left breathless and utterly aching. His taste on your tongue is so familiar- so intrinsically Bruce- that it causes tears to prick behind your eyes and when he pulls away to study you, his lips glisten with shared saliva. When you ask him what he's thinking, he offers a half shrug. "This moment- with you, right now, makes everything worth it."