Lessons On Kissing Guys (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 28

Pacing back and forth in Blair's room (which I think I've now claimed a part of), I start to wonder what's taking so long. Just thinking about his brother makes my blood boil. I don't even know what he did to Blair, but my two encounters with him so far have been far from pleasant. 

It's just as I'm about to storm downstairs (almost literally - I can practically feel a storm brewing inside of me) that Blair's face appears before me. "Just hear me out." His hands are held out in front of him, begging me to calm down. His voice is able to slightly dissipate the storm within me. Slightly.

I stay silent though, a frown on my face that will probably become permanent if I keep it up any longer.

Eventually, Blair realises that I'm not going to say anything, and clears his throat too loudly. A part of me wants to laugh, but I have to remind myself that I'm angry right now.

"Listen, when I was dating my ex, my brother... he hated it. He hated me. He hated that I was with another guy. And he'd get really fucking mad." I keep my frown in place, not letting myself gape from the shock of him swearing twice in one day. "I don't want to go into it."

"Maybe you should go to fucking therapy then." I hate the way my voice sounds, the words spoken too harshly, too brashly. I don't sound the way I usually do.

"Maybe I should." He doesn't return the harshness, just frowns too. A sad from that inks its way into his skin.

I want to hate him but I can't. The thought hurts me. I shouldn't ever want to hate him.

I realise in that moment that I have to do the opposite. That my wanting to hate him is all the reason to love him twice as much as usual.

So, I walk over to him until our chests are almost touching, and I wrap my arms around him, hesitant at first, until he leans into me. His arms find their way around my waist after a moment, his head resting against mine. I think I can hear him crying. Unsure, I lean back a little. Sure enough, there are a few tears leaking from the corner of his eyes, which are barely open. His eyebrows hold small wrinkles between them, and his mouth is still caught downwards in an unbreakable frown.

"I'm sorry." I say this, wiping at the corners of his eyes. "I love you, I love you, I love you." For each repetition, I plant another kiss next to his eyes, covering his tears. "Tell me about it."

We walk over to the bed, and find comfortable positions against the headrest. Uncertainly, my hand reaches for his. He squeezes it tightly, and I know we're going to be okay.

"He would hurt me, because I was gay. It wasn't bad. I mean, everyone play fights. But I could tell he wasn't playing. He really hated me. Anyway, every once in a while, he'd just come into my room - this was when he was still living here - and he'd start shouting at me about how much of an idiot I was, how I was going to get myself killed someday. And then he'd hit me. I would always want to tell him how ironic his words were, but I never had the guts. Until one day when I just did it. Just told him how he was killing me, gradually. He just got this look all over him, like he wasn't sure whether to be mad at me or at himself. Then he just left. The only times I've seen him since then have been with you."

He takes a deep breath, letting it out quakingly, before continuing; "And then today... he just came back and started apologising. Said that he was wrong, he fucked up, he didn't know why he'd wanted to hurt me so bad. Apparently, he'd had a best friend when he was younger who came out to him. Made it into a huge deal in that he was 'in love' with my brother. He was mad that he let himself lose a friend. At least, that's what he said. But man, he doesn't wanna lose me to. He said he's realised that. That he'll only have me a brother and he doesn't wanna lose me. I don't know. I just, I don't want to lose him either."