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12

the sun was still as bright as it was when they had left the hospital, but, unbeknownst to mun, a whole day had passed. and in that day were times of overruling stress, mun slipping in and out of consciousness, coming so close to slipping away, as ms. chu tried relentlessly to heal him.

hyeok seemed to be the most worried, as he watched mun on the edge of death, right in front of his own eyes. there was a constant conflict in his mind - he'd seen this type of scene before. he'd imagined it, with him on the other side, a smile on his face.

and now, he was facing it. he was really seeing it with his own eyes. but the smile wasn't there, and the joy he thought he'd have in this moment wasn't there. it was just... different. painful.

eventually, though, ms. chu had succeeded, and they left mun to rest. he awoke alone, in the basement of the noodle shop.

it was mostly his pounding head that pulled him from unconsciousness, likely mixed with the bright sun shining through the windows. he pulled himself up carefully, as if testing his own body, making sure it wouldn't disintegrate under his own control.

but finally, he was sitting. he brought a hand to his head. he recalled small bits of the night before, which slowly brought him to the realization of how much time had passed. and then he began to recollect the events prior to those, when they had saved hyeok, when he was shot, when they were in the hospital.

mun sighed and lowered his hand. and, as his hand hit the small make-shift bed provided for him, a barely audible crinkle sounded.

he lifted his hand once again and looked to the noise. there was a small white paper lying just next to him, a messy handwriting occupying the small space.

mun made a small "hmm," as he tilted his head at the little paper. he stared at it a moment longer before lifting it, straightening it out so he could make out the words. then he began to read.

the first words:

'i had no choice'

mun creased his eyebrows, a looming sense of dread flowing over him like a cloud ready to unleash its rain over the world. he stared at those four words for quite a while, afraid to even peek at the rest, afraid of the things it would reveal to him. maybe he was better off not reading it.

but, after a moment longer, his eyes steadily ventured downwards, and he continued to read.

'there are things you don't know about me. did you know that, when i was in grade school, i was on the soccer team? i won countless medals and trophies. but every time i brought one home, do you know what would happen?'

mun's hands had begun to shake ever so slightly now, and he tilted his head upwards, squeezing his eyes shut and sucking in a deep breath. he didn't want to read anymore, but he had to, he knew it. he looked back to the note.

'my dad would become angry. he would say things like... i should be studying more. i should study to become a council member, not be on the stupid soccer team. and he would take it out on my mom'

mun was slowly tightening his grip on the paper, his knuckles turning white, as he kept reading.

'i now realize i'm doing the same thing to you. i have no clue about your life, what you are, what your friends are. but what i do know is that... i'm being selfish. i'm being selfish by staying with you'

tears now lay at the rims of mun's eyes. but, despite how bad he wanted to stop reading, to throw the note out and go upstairs to hyeok sitting at a table, eating noodles and laughing with his friends, he knew he couldn't stop. because stopping wouldn't change what he knew had already happened.