∆ Cross My Mind || ChaeDa [ © honeyeji ]

05

"YOU represent the COWARDICE of HUMANITY"

Dayeon stares at her newest email.

"Well that seems targeted," she remarks to no one at all. The library is empty, save for a grad student replacing books on shelves, AirPods jammed in. There was a group of guys fussing around in Sartre's section, which is to the left of Dayeon's table, but they left half an hour ago. In fact, Dayeon is surprised no one has asked her to leave yet. It's getting dangerously close to the closing time. She blinks blearily at her paper, which is just 100 words under the minimum assigned word count and counts the times the cursor blinks. The last sentence states, bold as ever, "The pervading themes of the corresponding work display a darker side (Douma)." and leaves little to add on to. She tries to reword it on the next line, but she misspells two words of the sentence and has to wait for the spell-checker to fix it because she doesn't want to go back and correct it herself.

She must've dozed off because she's shaken awake by the grad student on duty leaning over her. Her lanyard is in Dayeon's face, and she reads "Yurina" off of the student's ID.

"The library is closing in five minutes," Yurina tells her. "Get home safely."

"Thanks," Dayeon tells her hoarsely and clears her throat. "You too."

Yurina nods pleasantly in response.

She walks away and Dayeon vaguely hears her repeat the same words to someone else. She rubs at her eyes and packs away her laptop, which is at a critically low 8% battery, her papers, and the books she borrowed, taking the pains to find the section she retrieved them from to return them to its rightful place. Finally, she shuffles out into the crisp night, standing at the top of the library steps. She squints across the quad, and there's the bakery Chaehyun works at, buttery yellow light bright enough for Dayeon to see, even when she's so far away.

She tries to walk quickly to avoid feeling cold, goosebumps already rising, even under her thick university hoodie, and gets close enough to see Chaehyun. Chaehyun retying her apron, making a coffee order, and looking up to smile at a customer.

Dayeon slows her zombie walk to watch as the customer leans across the counter and winks at her. Chaehyun covers her mouth when she laughs, and the customer laughs too. She's pretty, with long dark hair and perfect eye makeup. They talk a bit more, and the customer reaches for a napkin, roots around in her bag for a pen, and writes what looks like her phone number on it. Chaehyun pockets the napkin and hands the customer's coffee order to her. The customer waves, says something that makes Chaehyun smile, and leaves. Dayeon watches silently, like a spectator in a theater box. She is so detached from her own body, it feels like she's viewing it in the third person.

The customer trips over the same crack in the sidewalk that Dayeon tripped over. She barely manages to save her coffee. Chaehyun suppresses a smile.

Dayeon looks down at her shoes. The eyes, just a grayish outline now, look back at her.

Chaehyun likes girls. It's just that Chaehyun doesn't like her.

Dayeon shuffles all the way home, her need for a caffeine-pick-me-up and her daily dose of Chaehyun fading. She can feel the brisk night air chill her to the bone.