Flesh and Bone [#wattys2015] #wattys (klaine)

"Kurt+Blaine"

Trigger warning: Self Harm

Blaine's POV

My whole life has been scheduled. Do this, do that, never daring to stop, not even for a second. The days went by and I kept myself busy on my own way. Never providing the privilege of letting my mind stop, I was always doing something. If I wasn't at school, I was at home, if I wasnt at home I was studying, and If I wasn't studying I was trying to fall asleep at my bed, no matter the time. Hours became days, days became weeks, weeks became months, months became years and years became silence, and from the silence came the oblivion. I don't really remember how or why this all started, I just know that I realized that I was broken when I couldn't be fixed anymore. Or at least this was what I thought.

This has become part of my routine. Wake up, attend classes, go to the rehearsal, cut, shower and bed.I don't even know why I keep on doing this. I just know that I cant help it. My mother found out after the Sadie Hawkins attack. I was at the hospital, all wrapped up with probes stuck in my veins, with the thin steady noise of my heart in the machine. When I was being examined, my doctor noticed the uncoordinated and irregular scars scattered through my torso and legs. He immediately told mom about it, since then I have to take four pills per day. Two at lunch and two at dinner, but I gave up taking them a long time ago, they only made me feel sick and with nausea. In my first week here at Dalton, I threw the whole bottle on the toilet.

I came back from the bathroom and entered the dark room that was my dorm and went straight to the drawer next to the door. I took my little opaque black bag and ran to sit on the unmade bed. It was still early, almost 10pm on the clock, I lifted my shirt's sleeve, looking at the familiar dance that the scars on my left arm did, with my other hand, I took the fingers to meet the imperfections spread on my arm. Red, pink and white. New and old. Losing myself in the complete silence of my mind. Depending on the day, I felt happy for having them, but most days, like today, just a brief look at it made me sick, wanting to vomit. I took the blade out of the bag on my lap. I held it between my fingers, watching it, as it moved through my playful fingers like it was such an innocent object, but I knew the truth, how so deadly a small object could be. I ran it through my arm. The old familiar sting piercing the skin. One. Two. Ten times. Until my sob made me look at the mess I was and stop, after that I wrapped my arm in bandages.

I stretched all my body to get the chemistry notebook under the bed, already opened on the page I was studying before having to have a pee break, I held my headphone that was already playing, as if the last 10 minutes had never happened.

"BRAAAAAM! BRAAAAAAAM"

I woke up scared, looking at my watch trembling and screaming at the table next to me.

"Ugh" I sighed putting my pillow over my head trying to stifle the noise, waiting for Kurt to turn that thing off like every morning, which didn't happen.

Kurt was not around today.

Today was Kurt's dad wedding, that's why he got a letter from the principal abstentioning him from the classes of the day.

Without Kurt here, well, he has not been here for that much of time, but not hearing him talk about how Jeff almost fell on him on The Warbler's rehearsal, or how Mr. Lindsay has a huge forehead that keeps him from paying due attention to class, or just because with Kurt here I felt safe. Safe from my own mind and the thoughts that would never leave. Safe from me.

"Ugh" I just gave a short look to the tidy bed less than two meters away from my feet, and I sighed, getting out of bed. I put on my blazer that was a bit wrinkled on the shoulders, my light brown pants up and while I was putting my shoes I just fell on my bed and groaned as I fell back to sleep.