Hold On Till May

Three

Amber's POV

"I actually didn't sleep at all the night before the first day of junior year. It would be my first day of school without my best friend. I was terrified. I also hadn't seen Vic all summer, and I definitely didn't miss the bullying. The first week wasn't so bad. Even though I had three out of seven classes with Vic, he was ignoring me. But so were my so-called 'friends.' I began to skip lunch, instead spending the time either in the halls or the library.

"But after the first week, Vic started texting me again. He'd bug me in class, throwing paper at me, but never talking unless he was joining his friends, who had started bullying me again. I tried not to text him back, but I couldn't help it. Something about him... I couldn't stop. It was masochistic and I hated it. He... well, he was a teenage boy. I was naive, and he used me. He was sexting me and I was too foolish to realize it.

"My parents found out I was texting him, and they found out about the sexting. Never pictures, just words, but still... That. But they didn't hear the whole story. How it was him, always him. They took my phone. Now they were yelling at both John and me. I was just like John: a disappointment. On top of that, my grades dropped and my dad started commenting on my weight. As if my self esteem wasn't low enough.

"Remember that open dance we went to in the middle of junior year? Vic was there, I don't know if you saw him. He and his friends cornered me and bullied me for hanging out with you. They told me terrible things, they said I wasn't worthy to suck anyone's dick. They asked me how much I was paying you to stay around me. They asked how much sex I had to sell to have friends. I'm not sure how long I had been cutting, but they saw my scars. Vic almost walked away, but his friends pressured him to stay.

"They made me cut in front of them. They took a piece of glass - I don't know where they found it - and held me, put the glass in my hand, and guided it over my arms. They were the deepest cuts I've ever had, and when they wouldn't stop bleeding, the boys ran. I went home early, that's why I left you there. I couldn't face you in the state I was. I had to get John to take me to the ER for blood transfusions. I lied and told the nurses that I had been in a car accident and a broken window had cut my arms. They were skeptical, but didn't report me, thank god.

"Vic was still trying to text me at the end of junior year, and I ended up changing my number. I made sure only friends had it, but somehow he found it. He wouldn't stop texting me, so I blocked him. By this time, we were about a month into this year, senior year. When I blocked him, the bullying escalated. It was now more physical: an occasional shove into the lockers, a forced kiss, a hickey I would have to hide for a week.

"Then, during Christmas break, you and I became, well, us. I was determined to avoid them at all cost, keeping you in my mind to keep myself strong. It worked for the most part, until last Friday." I pause, chewing my lip nervously. Kellin must hate me. I'm surprised he's still here. I go on, afraid of what he will say but unwilling to stop talking now that I've started.