Through The Drainpipe - Three's Company

What a Queer Situation

Knock knock knock, "Jack! Come on, you've been in there for twenty minutes! You're not the only person in this apartment who needs the bathroom!"

"I'm sorry Chrissy, but after this morning neither of you are coming in here until I'm done!" Jack yelled from the other side of the door.

"What is so important that we've been banished until you're done beautifying yourself?" Eleanor asked.

Stanley rolled his eyes and leaned in closer to the pipe. Maybe soon they'll talk about the rent money they still owed him rather than whatever plans twinkle toes was going to spend it on instead.

"I have a date with the future Mrs. Jack Tripper! This night is worth getting the stink-eye from you girls for the foreseeable future. If you really need to use the ladies' room, Janet's plants are right in the living room!"

Stanley bashed his head on the sink as the girls yelled Jack from the other apartment. He quickly got back up and stormed out into his living room, where Helen was already sitting.

"Hey, Stanley! Why do you look like you've got a pebble in your shoe? Or maybe a whole boulder..." Helen watched as he stopped to pace in front of her.

"I only let that kid stay here because he was abnormal, but his normal tendencies just ain't right! That's wrong with the man, being normal?"

"What?"

"Jack has a date, Helen! With a woman!" Stanley yelled, gesturing as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"What? Where did you hear that?" Helen asked, her voice raising several octaves.

"Oh... I uh- I overheard it this morning. When I went to collect the rent!" Stanley lied. Quick thinking, he always prided himself on that.

"Oh, but you probably heard the name wrong! Or you took a joke out of context! It wouldn't be the first time," Helen tried to reason. She knew from the look on his face that there was no getting through that thick skull of his.

"I know what I heard, Helen!" Stanley stomped to the door, "and I'm throwing him out on his ear!"

"Wait, Stanl-" Slam!

Helen rushed over to the phone and dialled the number to the apartment upstairs.

***

The phone rang as Eleanor was once again unsuccessfully attempting to get Jack to open the door.

"I'll get it! Don't even bother coming out, Jack!" Chrissy yelled as she picked up the phone.

Mrs. Roper was on the other side, her voice higher and quicker than usual, "Hello Chrissy, could you put Jack on the phone please? It's very important!"

"Of course, one second." Chrissy covered the wrong end of the phone, "It's for Jack, she says it's important!"

This prompts Eleanor to bang on the door again, "Come on, Cinderella! Girl on the phone for you! Very urgent!"

Jack opened the door and Eleanor immediately ran into the bathroom and locked Jack out from the inside. Jack walked over and grabbed the phone from Chrissy. Eleanor let Chrissy into the bathroom before they both locked the door.

Jack rolled his eyes and then directed his attention to the phone, "Hello!"

"Oh Jack, Stanley heard about your date and now he's coming to kick you out!" Mrs. Roper yelled.