What It's Really Like to Lose Someone Close to You

IT TEACHES US TO SURRENDER

Watching my father die made me realize that in many ways, our culture tends to gloss over death, and so it doesn’t feel like a normal part of life. It’s incredibly uncomfortable to come face-to-face with the fact that we will die one day, too, and we don’t have control over when or where or how. Even when Dad was so sick that he couldn’t get out of bed, a part of me believed that he would still get better, because I just couldn’t imagine the alternative.

Having a healthy awareness of death can teach us to surrender control and live wholeheartedly in the present moment. It helps us to stay focused on what really matters in life, to try and live each day as though it’s our last. When you see things through this lens, your priorities suddenly come into clear focus. For me, that has meant making more time to pursue the things I love doing, along with spending as much time with my loved ones and family as possible.

IT CAN SHAKE YOUR FAITH – AND THEN DEEPEN IT

For quite a long time after Dad died, it was as though my faith went underground. I had felt completely alone and abandoned by God during the final weeks of his life, and that experience was so devastating that I couldn’t bear to turn back to God with an open and vulnerable heart in prayer again for a while.

But even during those dark times, the psalm that Christ repeated on the cross echoed in my heart: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” The truth is, there’s no suffering we can go through that Christ Himself hasn’t endured, too. He’s right there alongside us in our pain and grief, and even in our feeling of abandonment. That knowledge felt like a thin thread holding me to my faith at times, but the thread was stronger than I realized, and in the end, it held me fast and pulled me through.

When he first died, I felt as though I had to keep my father alive by remembering every little thing about him, and I was terrified that I would forget something crucial. As the years pass, though, I’ve realized the truth: that love truly is stronger than death. His continuing existence isn’t dependent on my faulty memory — it’s dependent on God’s love. And that, in an ever-changing and uncertain world, is the one thing we can always rely on.