𝔼𝕧𝕒𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖

Prologue

Leukaemia. A type of cancer within that ones blood cells. There is no current cure although some people do experience remission, which is when the cancer is no longer detected in the body.

I am unlucky enough not the fall under than category of remission. And only in my wildest dreams would I ever be.

I was 16 when the doctor walked into his office with a dreary expression, that I'm sure stays on his face permanently, and uttered the words; you have leukaemia. It was then that my world stopped spinning and all plans I'd made crashed to the ground. I remember hearing my mother sob for a full 15 minutes while I was just sat there, frozen. I mean what is the right response to give when a someone tells you that you have cancer. The big C. It's one of those things that you go most of your life thinking, it won't be me or I won't get it.

The doctor was rattling off all these different treatments that I could have like  gone through them a million times before, which I'm sure he most likely has, but all I could think was... I'm going to die. My first thought wasn't even to do with how it would impact my life and how it would prevent me from growing old, having a family of my own or even going to college. My first though was that I'm going to ruin so many peoples lives by dying. My parents for one, they tried for 7 years to have children before they tried IVF, and it took a further 3 years for that to work. They called me their little miracle baby, and now their miracle baby was going to die. I know how much grief can effect someone's life, I've experienced it first hand. My grandad died about a year ago, we were very close in which I would see him nearly everyday. We were best friends. So when the news came that he had passed away due to a heart attack I was devastated. It made me fall into a pit of depression, affected my school work and social life and even my relationship with my parents. It took a while for me to get better and even now I'm still not fully back to how I was before he left us, and I don't think I will ever get back to that especially now.

My second thought was my friends. I had two best friends. Rain and Sky. I met them in kindergarten and was fascinated by the fact they looked identical to each other, due to hem being twins. Their names also intrigued me slightly and when I asked them about it they explain that their mother was obsessed with elemental names. We were thick as thieves from then till now and although they were closer because they were related, they never made me feel left out to the point where it felt like we were triplets. Their mum was like a second mum to me and the twins were like second children to my mother. It only made sense that because the three of us were best friends that our mums had to be best friends too. It pained me to think that once I die they would go back to being just twins. They would have summer picnics on the hill we named Sammy without me, go paddle boarding on river Beatrice without me. Go to college... without me.

And then it dawned me, my third thought, that once I die I would never get to see these amazing people in my life again, because I would be dead. Either six feet underground or burnt to ashes and blown away somewhere. I would soon be forgotten and life would carry on without me, leaving me behind.

That, my third thought, was the thought that made a tear roll down my face.

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