Insecurities | Ganqing

Vulnerable

Ganyu had always been a chubby girl, and living in a society that highlighted skinny, stick - thin girls as the standard, what every girl should hope and dream and aspire to be because apparently, it'd make them 'happy.'

Of course, when she was but a baby, her chubby body was appreciated and adored.

"Just look at how plump she is! She's gorgeous!"

"Those chubby cheeks have my own kids beat, they're so pink!"

"Her stubby little hands are truly a gem, she's precious!"

Compliments like these were common to the newborn babies living high up in the clouds, but compliments like these only held any fruit till a child - especially girls - hit 10 - 13 years old.

Suddenly, being chubby isn't seen as praised and cute, but as a detriment to one's life.

Specially if the child was brought up in an Asian family, making it even worse.

Relatives you didn't even know existed would come up to you, introduce themselves and the only thing she'd remember from the interaction she had with them was, "Ganyu dear, I'm not trying to make you self - conscious or anything... but ever thought about losing some weight? You were eating so much at dinner too - maybe tone it down a little, hm?"

From there, the blue - haired girl who was simply enjoying her meals now had horrible insecurities that would continue to fester away at her for years to come.

Fat became a term she'd avoid, girls at school casually disclosing how much they weighed became a conversation she had impressive control of steering away from, usually talking about how hard a recent test was, or really anything to get away from her friends asking how much she herself weighed.

She'd gotten past her body insecurities after living with Keqing and learning to truly appreciate herself despite how she looked, but occasionally, her mind would drift off to her childhood... and how brutal it was to not be a slender or muscular qilin.

--------------------------------------

"Sweetie, you've been growing a little... big, haven't you? Perhaps you should cut down on those sweets a bit?" murmurs her mother, trying to delicately speak about the matter. Much to her dismay, her father is quick to cut in with, "Just say our Ganyu's fat, won't hurt her!"

The qilin herself felt her heart break.

Was she?

Sure, her pants felt a little tighter than usual, but surely it never meant she was fat, right? The Cryo wielder awkwardly smiles at her parents, tears threatening to spill from her eyes, threatening to sear and burn down her face like the humiliation she felt when her parents brought up such a sensitive topic. "Ah, I'm sure it's not too bad," chuckles Ganyu, holding onto her shirt and looking down at her feet, dipping her head in embarrassment. The trio left it at that, not bothering to further elaborate on it.

--------------------------------------

Comments like these went from scarce to common, haunting her every time she went to shower and saw her naked body. Why was her stomach like that? Was it ever so big? Why did her chest fall like that? Why did her skin fold into itself like that and protrude in such strange ways? And why were her legs even worse, seemingly where the majority of her fat went into?

She felt as though there was too much skin, too much fat, too much this, too much that.

Why couldn't she be slender like literally every qilin before her?

And of course, like every good Asian parent, her parents denied any accusations of fat - shaming their precious daughter. "Fat - shame? You're being ridiculous, Yu! Why on earth would we do such a thing? We're only telling this for your own good, you know that," exclaimed her dad, appalled.