Losing Hope

❅ 4 ❅

❅ T H E N ❅ (aged 10)

My room was pitch-black, I could only see the small slither of light from under my bedroom door, but even that was dull and didn't provide me with the closure I desperately needed.

Because I could see the shadows of someone standing there on the other side of my door, interrupting the light's entrance and making the hairs on the back of my neck prickle. I stared at the shadows for what felt like forever, praying and begging for them to leave.

But my prayers were left unanswered as the floorboards creaked and my bedroom door squeaked as it was slowly pushed open.

I held my breath and almost sighed in relief when I saw the large silhouette of my mother standing there, instead of my brother. But I made no noise, because I knew something was up.

She crept across my room, moving slowly and trying to be quiet. I watched her as she moved in an almost graceful manner. When she reached my bed, she looked down at me.

I knew she couldn't see that I was awake, because, if she knew, she wouldn't have sat down beside me and brushed my hair gently away from my face.

I couldn't see her face, but I new she was crying, her breathing ragged with the occasional sniffle. I hated the sound of it, not because sniffling sounded gross, but because it meant I failed her somehow.

My chest tightened as she used one of her warm fingers to trace a gentle line from the top of my forehead to the tip of my nose multiple times, her sniffling increasing as she went.

I wanted to show her I wasn't asleep, I wanted to crawl out from under my blankets and climb onto her lap and hug her, make her feel better. But I couldn't. Instead, I laid still and allowed her cry over whatever I'd done to disappoint her.

She stopped running her finger down my forehead and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, taking a shaky breath and getting back to her feet again.

She stood beside my bed for what felt like forever, just looking down at my "sleeping" figure and I looked back, actually grateful for the darkness.

She made to leave, but stopped, turned back towards me and pulled something from her pocket. She crouched down and slid it under my pillow, but before she stood back up, she pressed a small kiss to my cheek. Her breath smelt of cigarette smoke and I could smell the saltiness of her tears and I felt a lump rise in my throat as she stood back up and headed back to the door.

As she closed my bedroom door, she lets out a half-muffled sob and hurriedly closed my door. And that's when I allow my tears to fall...

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A/N: hey guys.

This chapter was surprisingly hard to write. But I'm quite pleased with it. What do you guys think of it?

I appreciate the feedback and votes you guys are giving this story, it means more to me than you'll probably believe.

Anyway, that's all from me. You'll hear from me again next week.

Stay amazing
~ Leesha