That's Pretty Gay

Chapter 1: Gay

I hate being gay. But I also love it because women are just so ?? stunning ?? like how ???

Hey guys, my name is Laura and I'm old as shit, 17 that is. I'm gonna be straight up, I've been obsessed with the idea of being in a perfect relationship just like everyone else who is a teen. My entire life I've tried to convince myself that I'm attracted to the opposite sex because I thought that was what I had to do. Find a man, get married by 23, and have kids at 26. Growing up, my forced Christian beliefs made me think I'd go to hell if I were to even THINK about a woman, and I was so scared of the idea of hell. But about a year ago I fell in LOOOOVE. Or I thought so. It was really just my gay awakening, but I'll start at the beginning.

I have been in two different relationships with a guy, one in 8th grade and another my freshman year. I'll admit, I've been the biggest asshole when it comes to relationships with boys. I'd lead them on so that I could tell all my girl friends that "I have a boyfriend" just to fit in, but once we addressed the boyfriend/girlfriend title I'd avoid them as much as possible and end the relationship not too long after.

I had been so confused, because I had the ache of wanting to be in a relationship like everyone else. I just couldn't find it in me to be attracted to any boys. My friends were always obsessing over celebrities like Michael B. Jordan and Chris Hemsworth, and don't get me wrong they are beautiful men, but would I let them put it in me? Absolutely not.

Now about my first irl gay awakening:

During my last relationship with a guy, which only lasted about a month, I started making new friends. I became really close friends with this girl in my gender studies class and ended things with my boyfriend at the time.

We seriously hung out a ton. I hate to admit that I was that person, but I started hanging out with her more than my very best friends I've known since middle school. I thought she was absolutely beautiful and I caught myself admiring her a ton. She was about 5'9, had shiny short black hair with the shaved left side, caramel eyes, broad shoulders, and was kinda buff. She wore a lot of dark colors and that's where I related to her. We listened to a lot of the same bands and were both obsessed with horror movies. She was a confident, laid back girl and I just knew I wanted to be around her all the time. When she would hug me, my head would rest on her boobs, I literally did everything I could to get a hug from her and I thought it was just because she was a good friend. Yes. I'm that dumb. I questioned why I wanted to be around her so much but I never put two and two together.

Anyway, her name was Rea. I'd mentioned in passing that I wanted to try weed at some point, and one summer night when I was staying over at her place, she brought out some gummies. She was a pothead and was used to getting high often, but I was not. She offered me an edible as a joke and I was scared as hell of so many ridiculous things, like what if I'm allergic to weed and end up in the hospital? My good christian parents would kill me. But I wanted to try it at some point so why not now?

Rea was my good friend and always made me feel safe, so I knew I would be fine. She was shocked when I actually said yes and kept asking if I was 100% sure that I wanted to try it. After like 5 times of her making sure and me getting annoyed, she finally gave me one. She told me she wasn't going to take one so that she could watch over me for my first time.

Well, when Rea went to the bathroom my dumb self snuck another one 20 minutes later because I thought the usual, "this edible ain't shit," which activated its powers 10 minutes later. 20mg was way too much for my first time. I'm usually a smart person especially when it comes to academics, but I make a lot of dumb decisions way too often.

The room was fucking spinning and I was just sitting there still as a boulder. I actually was enjoying the high for the first hour and Rea was just listening and laughing at all of the stupid shit I was saying. She said at one point I started screaming and laughing for no reason but I don't remember that at all. And then the second hour really hit and I was panicking because I didn't know where the fuck I was or what the fuck was going on. I knew that I just wanted the high to end.