Strange Magics 1.5: When the Stars Align- a M/F Demisexual/ Transgender romance

8- Acceptance

HESTIEL—

The rustling of cloth against stone had me sitting up, staring into the darkness where the noise had come from. I had not been sleeping— there was no way I could, with everything Alex had done and said. The way he smelled and the way his kisses felt on my lips. His hands, aching and branding against my skin swirling through my brain.

"Hestiel," his voice whispered to me through the dark of my bedchamber. I took in a deep breath, fighting to take in the scent of him that I already craved like my life breath.

"Alex. You made your way back."

"Always, my queen." His words were solid, though mine had cracked with what I thought may have been desire.

"Cecilia and Darcy— did they accost you for trying to court their queen?"

"They and many others," he replied, a smirk heavy in his voice. Along with an obvious tinge of respect. For me or for them, I was not sure which. Mayhap both.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, sitting up to face the large, shadowy shape of the man who stood near the foot of my bed. From his outline, I could see he was fully clothed. His sword at his waist, ready to defend himself, and me, I was sure, without a moment's hesitation. The thought sent something strange I had never felt before skittering up my spine.

"You are beloved of your people, Hestiel. It shows the woman you are, behind the throne and the crown. It makes me love you that much more."

I chuckled and shook my head at his honesty.

"Will your confidence and lack of guile ever cease to make me speechless?"

"I hope to spend the rest of my life making you speechless, my queen."

The gasp I let free was as unintentional as the jerk of my head at his words. I wished I could see his face, try to parse what his words meant, to him and to me, but the sky was dark and starless so my room was nearly pitch black.

"I lack the will to return to my chambers, my queen," Alex whispered conspiratorially. I chuckled, pulling the blankets back from my body and patting the bed beside me as I moved back to make room for him.

"I am no virgin to blush at a man sleeping by my side, Alex. Come get into bed with me. I do not mind. It is a cold night, and you are big enough that you seem quite warm."

Though he sat where I had gestured him to, Alex's posture was stiff, his back ramrod straight, his hands tangling together on his lap. I could feel the movements but could only see the flickers of fingers against the backdrop of my white bed curtains.

"My queen, I must..." he began, his voice trailing off as his voice broke sharply.

"It is alright, Alex," I soothed, reaching out to set my hand against his arm. I was unsure if the touch would be welcome, or what was upsetting him so much, but he seemed to breathe out, relax, and lean into my hand, so I kept my skin against his. "Speak what you will."

"I am of an old fashioned mindset, my queen. I do not wish to... I will not make love to you until our wedding day, Hestiel. It is one part of my culture, my upbringing, that the romantic in me does not want to give up."

"... I understand," I replied, shrugging and trying to understand why this seemed to upset him so much. "Though, I am not a virgin, Alex. I have had sex with both men and women. Less, maybe, than some, but quite a few, nonetheless."

Alex shook his head, turning his body towards me, and I could all but picture the sincere, gentle way he would watch me if only we could see each other in the dark depths of the night we lay together in. Something in the way he spoke, held himself, some tilt to his voice, however, told me it was the darkness that was giving him the confidence for the words he wanted to share with me.