cowboy like me - s. kiyoomi ❥

003 - writer in the dark

for better experience, listen to writer in the dark by lorde

kiyoomi's pov:

i have never found a father figure essential to live a 'perfect' life. of course, when i experienced that appalling sight, i broke the news to my mother. he walked out, to be a good man for another woman. completely leaving us behind. i did my best to exist, just for him. i'm sorry i was never good like you. i bet he rue the day he kissed the writer in the dark.

now im gonna play and sing, and hopefully let go of him in my heart. i have always loathed hearing my name on the lips of a crowd. he stood on my chest, letting me down, never letting me grow. never having a childhood. never being a normal individual. never having a father. i did my best to be enough for him. but again, when was anything enough for him?

whether he likes it or not, i am my mother's child. i'll love someone who steps into my life 'til my breathing stops. i'll love them 'til they call the cops on me. i generally ride the subway, read the signs. i unfortunately let the seasons change my mind. well now, fortunately, i love it here, since i've stop needing him. since i stopped relying on any other individual for my responsibilities. i will forever be my mother's child.

how would i call myself my father's child if he was never there? my mother's child i will be, my mother's child, i am. i will go shopping with my mom. i will spend endless time with her every opportunity i've got. not only because i'm grateful for having my mom standing by my side, but because i know what she went through. but i can never imagine the pain she felt the moment she knew. the moment she knew her husband, her once believed loving husband, had fallen out of love. and she was now, the other woman.

but in my mother and i's darkest hours, i stumbled on a secret power. i once thought i would find a way to live without him. i found a way to live without him. slowly, just like pseudoephedrine. i still feel & think of him, every now and then. when he sees me again ....will he say i've changed? will he say i've met his expectations? will he finally, be proud of me? will he stop & say i look like my mother? will he praise me for my academic skills? or will he insult him, just like i remember? no matter what happens, i will never rely on someone else, not now, not ever. and im never falling in love.

hello my loves! if you're confused by this chapter, it is kiyoomi's backstory. his father tragically leaving him, his mother, and his siblings behind for another woman. his father never being proud of hin. never praising him for all the achievements he earned. kiyoomi never being good enough for his father. always wondering as a child, what he could've done to make him stay. if he could've been nicer? smarter? funnier? loving? he didn't care anymore. he moved on, and finally found a way to be without him.
finally maturing.
545 words