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I am so mad at myself. I feel like I hate myself instead of hating you and I don't know if that is possible. Because I convinced myself I was over you and now I know it was all pretend. I pretended I didn't look at you when you didn't notice I was. I pretended not to light up when you entered. I pretended not to be upset when we got into a fight. I pretended I didn't look forward to seeing you every day. I pretend I wasn't hurt when you broke my heart. I pretend I didn't miss you when you didn't come around. Now all these lies have shown me is that I miss you so much more than I realized. 

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