My Secret Buddy

When I closed my eyes, I could smell the green leaves of a cold summer night. I danced barefoot in my own room, letting my black hair blow in the breeze through the open window, but I wasn't alone. Most nights, my friend visited me, and sometimes we tried to differentiate our dance steps. If we feel sad, our dance would be so slow that one would think we had sore bones to the point where the maggots eat our skin from the inside, leaving only dirty wounds. If we were happy, we would jump until our ankles were paralyzed.

My friend has no face, there is no one who can recognize him, but I wanted to call him Kaito, and for some reason he reminds me of my late hamster. I think it's a generous act of calling others by the things or names that we love very much, maybe it's a new incarnation of nostalgia. However, Kaito was just a shadow at night, who I stayed up late waiting for, sitting on my narrow bed, with a mattress you could feel the thick springs on from ass to back. While he didn't come I used to watch the moon that managed to shine in every corner of my room, from the window to the bookcase that I positioned next to the door. However, at this very moment I felt nervous and looked at the clock, wondering if it was time to meet Kaito again. In my hands I held a paper cone hat, with some drawings of fish and whales. I made the hat throughout my Fine Arts class, where my classmates created objects to give as gifts to their secret friends.

Two hours had passed and there was no sign of Kaito. I got out of bed, walked to every corner of the room, to see if I could find his shadow, but no clue. So I tried looking all over the house, and in the end all that was missing was the bathroom. When I slowly opened the door, there was Kaito over the open bathroom window, staring at the full moon that had reached the center of the heavens. I got close to him, I felt a strong tingling in my chest, he was so quiet, maybe he hadn't noticed me or maybe he felt my presence and didn't want to talk to me. That all calm had turned into something colder, capable of stirring prickly shivers in my weak flesh. Looking around the bathroom, my eyes could associate the dark red as the hallmark of the environment I envision.

- Kaito...I finally found you! - I said when I was a few meters away from him.

- What am I to you, Itoko? - he asked, still facing away from me.

- What? You're my friend, of course - my heart fluttered.

- Friend? Pfft, don't make me laugh. I don't have a body, not even emotions, to feel something for you.

- That's not true - I nodded - look I even made this hat for you!

- Something like that won't make me feel human, it's not your presents I want, they're just as rubbish as you.

- What's wrong with you? You're not like that...

Kaito approached me, placed his hand on my soft neck, stroked my messy hair, but it wasn't long before he slapped me, which shocked my mind so much. It wasn't a dream, I felt my body frozen, I just stared at his intangible form. Soon, Kaito pressed both of my cheeks to my mouth - Shut up. I was always like that, I just hid. I didn't mean to hurt you, Itoko, but I can't go on pretending what you want me to be. I'm just a wish of yours... that should have been erased as soon as possible - He let go of me and headed for the window.

My head was down, my throat hurt so much, I couldn't find the right words, I tried to breathe right with a deep sigh, I did everything to hold back my tears, but it was stupid - Please stay. I have no one else to talk to, not even to call a friend. When I'm with people, my passion stops, they become boring to me, and I can't find someone who makes me feel things I've never felt inside me. You satisfy me Kaito, yes you just a wish of mine, that's why you are so true to me. You say these things to me, it hurts me a lot, yes, Kaito has no tears to wipe away, but I can dry your sorrows of your thoughts.