The Mind

1

Why was it that I felt that knot in my throat, that pit in my stomach, that pain in my eyes. Just that pain in general felt unexplainable. Why? I could not comprehend that pain, i could not figure out what was wrong with me.
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So many questions I cant answer.

Why didn't I tell her i was sorry why didn't I tell her that it wasn't her fault why didn't I tell her that I love her? Isn't this what I wanted from her? As she hold me in her arms crying telling me she was sorry telling me she loves me. I didn't react.

I was crying, not because of what she said but because I didn't react, because I didn't feel bad for her.

All I wanted from her is affection, to show me that she loves me, to say she was sorry. But why did I feel nothing whenever she did show me affection, she did show me love and she did say she was sorry?

Maybe because I never had that growing up but now that I do it doesn't feel right.
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As I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling, memories flash through my mind. I'm searching, searching for one happy memory one memory that will make me smile just for this one night.

Nothing, that light that was once my past was gone covered by darkness that is now my present.

I don't take things for granted, I have everything I need to survive, but it always feels like I'm missing something

Maybe affection. I'm not a person to need affection but when it comes down to my parents, I do need it.

I don't open up to my parents, like the flowers blooming in the spring. I stay quiet put all my feelings in a bottle close it tight and let it drift on the ocean surface for someone to find.

Who will that person be? That's a question I can't answer, I'll only know when the time comes.
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That person, oh how I thought I met that person.

Special is how he made me feel. I liked him and he liked me. Then why did I say no when he asked me out? I...I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. No one ever liked- oh dare I say loved- me like he did.

But...late, I was late. I am ready now but oh I'm too late. As I love him he loves someone else. How I wish he felt the way he did for me long ago. Now I'm stuck in this feeling. Feeling of love for someone that doesn't love me anymore.

Friedship is all we have. How can he forget those feelings he had for me how could I forget how he made me feel. I just have to live with it try to forget those feelings that I still have for him and wait. Wait until he falls in love with me again like he once had.

Like a flower in the spring waiting to be picked up. Until no one ever does, it dries out, as petals fall to the grass, giving up hope of someone picking it up.

I try to pull away but I can't...I don't know how. The feeling grew stronger throughout the years now its hard to forget him.
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My head is empty right now I can't write I can't think.

All I can think about is him.
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580 words