The Last Of The Stars

Part 9

The weakness was too much. My arms felt like empty rubber hoses for a moment, and then they felt like nothing at all. I couldn't feel them. I couldn't feel me. The blackness rushed over my eyes more solidly than before. Like a dense blindfold, thick and tight. Covering not just my eyes but also my whole body with tremendous weight. It was exhausting to push against it. I knew it would be so much easier to give in. To let the blackness push me down, down to a place where there was no pain and no tiredness and no worry and no fear.

No nervousness. No hesitations. No nothing.

All I could do was not be entirely obliterated.

It was sort of the pattern to my life - I'd never been strong enough to deal with the things outside my control, to attack the enemies or outrun them. That's why I partied so hard. To avoid the pain. It had been enough up to this point.

At last, I let sleep consume me.

Everything was so clear.

Sharp. Defined.

The brilliant light overhead was still blindingly bright, and I could see the glowing strands of the filaments inside the bulb as well.

I heard the swish of the fabric as someone moved, rubbing against itself. I heard the quiet buzz of the light hanging from the ceiling. I could hear everything.

We were inside a house I had never been in before. There were a thousand chairs in the living room, all filled with people I knew.

Family members. Friends. Colleagues.

They were all staring at a little box television with rabbit ear antenna.

I didn't realize someone was holding my hand until whoever it was squeezed it lightly. Like it had before to hide the pain, my body locked down again in surprise. This was not a touch I expected. The skin was perfectly smooth, but it was the wrong temperature. Not cold. After that first frozen second of shock, my body responded to the unfamiliar touch in a way that shocked me even more.

I realized it was her, my Sarah. She was dancing and we were suddenly in a field.

The stars were out in the middle of the day. They spun like little planets, moving around each other in a celestial dance.

I had never seen it before this second. How many times had I stared at her and marveled at her beauty? How many hours - days, weeks - of my life had I spent dreaming about what I deemed to be perfection? I thought I'd known her face better than my own.

I may as well have been blind.