Craving

Pinipig Ice Cream

It's Addie's father's birthday.

Every year, Addie and Diesel skip work for this. Pero ngayon, imbes na hindi pumasok totally ay maaga lang silang umuwi dahil ayaw nilang pa-absent-in si Nadia. After picking her up at the elementary school, they all headed to the cemetery.

Yanyan is seated beside Nadia in the backseat. Addie's at the front seat holding some flowers, a box for a small cake, and a picnic basket full of snacks. Like always, she's looking out the window. And she probably doesn't notice it the way Diesel does, but her index finger won't stay still; it keeps on tapping and tapping and tapping her knee. She's always like this whenever they go to visit her father's grave on his birthday.

Ilang taon na nang mamatay ang tatay ni Addie, at ilang taon na ring sumasama si Diesel sa kaniya para dumalaw rito tuwing birthday nito pero hindi pa rin niya magawang maging magaan ang loob sa biyenang lalaki. Frankly, Diesel still doesn't like him. He knows he's not exactly in the right position to decide whether to forgive him or not, but he just can't get rid of the anger he has for him, no matter how useless it is to harbor negative feelings for a dead man.

But he's here, holding a huge picnic basket in his left hand and carrying Yanyan with his right arm, both equally heavy. Nauna na sina Addie at Nadia na pumunta sa mawsoleo. Habang silang dalawa ni Yanyan ay sumaglit muna sa nagbebenta ng ice cream sa entrada ng sementeryo. After getting four ice cream sticks, they follow Addie and Nadia.

Diesel puts Yanyan down with a grunt. He then sits down beside her and puts the picnic basket next to him.

He watches Addie light up a candle. Nadia's crouching beside Addie, and Diesel smiles to himself when he sees Nadia clamping her mouth shut with her fingers. She's probably doing that to not put the candle light off.

Diesel sighs, calling Nadia over to give her her ice cream. Lumapit naman agad si Nadia sa kaniya. He tears the chocolate ice cream stick wrapper before he hands it to her. Imbes na pabalikin ito sa tabi ni Addie ay pinaupo na lang niya sa kabilang tabi ni Yanyan.

Diesel had learned to stay quiet for the first half hour of visiting Addie's father's grave. Like what she has been doing for years, Addie sits on her heels and stares at her father's tombstone.

It has always been like this. Addie would light up a candle, sit on her heels, and then stare at the tombstone. Sometimes she would touch the carved letters, but Diesel had never seen nor heard her speak. He knows she prefers to be alone, so he makes sure to keep the kids busy and quiet. It's the reason why he gets ice cream first before following Addie to the mausoleum.

Diesel could have cared less about the dead man's birthday. He could have just gone to work and gone home a bit late like usual. But this is Addie's father we're talking about. Diesel loves her, and his love for her comes with respect to her choices. The least he could do is drive her to the cemetery, keep the kids occupied, let Addie pay her respects, then give her a hug after.

Choosing to be with her means choosing to be with her people, too—her father included. Besides, it's only for a couple of hours once a year. Kayang-kaya naman niya iyon.

Since Addie lost her father in an airplane crash and his cremated remains were at the columbarium nearest to where Addie's mom is staying, the burial vault in the mausoleum only has his favorite suit and tie. Diesel once offered to return the ring Addie gave her since it was originally for her father, but Addie refused. He kept that ring in its box in their bedroom beside their wedding picture.

Diesel also told Addie that he's willing to drive to Casa, where her mom is, so they can all go to the columbarium. Pero dahil tatlong sunod-sunod na taong tumanggi si Addie noon, hindi na siya ulit nag-offer.