Nice Guy (and Other Nightmares)

My Daddy the Superhero

My Daddy the Superhero

By Joonie Vassal, Age 7 ¾

Lots of kids have dads that they think are really great. Like Susie Garcia, who's got a firefighter for a dad, or Kimmy Quirrell, who has a dad who knows Disney Channel stars. But nobody has a dad like my dad. My dad would do anything for me. Why? Because I'm his little princess. When I was born, he wasn't around. He was in jail, which is where the government send people when they're mad at them, even if it's for no good reason. Like when in first grade when I pulled Mary's hair and she tattled on me and I had to go to time-out. Mary started it, because she tripped me at recess, but Mrs. Gruen didn't care. That's what happened to Dad. He shot a guy who was kissing Mom behind his back, and even though the other guy kissed Mom first, Dad had to go to jail. Dad was lucky though. He had good friends on the outside who gave him a different name, and all he had to do was sneak out of jail and go to another state. Well, in between, he picked me up from Mom's house without telling her. I was a baby, so I don't really remember. But I'm glad I live with Daddy instead of Mom, because Mom's a bitch (in case you don't know, a bitch is a mean lady). Ever since he moved the first time, we had to move three more times so far. Eventually, he said we're going to go to Mexico. Mexico is another country with tan people and food like Taco Bell. I think we'll go there because we always move when somebody makes Daddy mad. Last week, this mean old lady came to our apartment and yelled at him something about rent and maintenance and some other things I didn't really understand. Then, when she saw me listening, she said I was "nosy" and that I needed to stay out of grown-up business. I asked her to stop yelling at Dad and she called me a brat. Dad got really, really red in the face. He told the mean old lady to leave and took me to my room. Then we made Rugrats mac n' cheese and he put on my Barbie Rapunzel DVD. He left while I was watching the movie, and then he came back. His shirt had jello stains on it and his knife was stained too. He told me we wouldn't have worry about Mildred anymore (I guess that was the lady's name), but that we'd move again. He said this time, instead of Mexico, we're going to Orlando. That's where Disney World is! I'll go to a new school where I can play pretend more, because I'll have a new school name. At every new school, I get called a different name than my real name, so the government can't find me and Dad. It's the most fun part about moving. After Dad told me about the move, we watched more Disney movies. We get to stay here for two more nights, so no one gets too suspicious. Hopefully I can bring all my toys with me on the move. I don't have a lot, but sometimes I've had to leave all my stuff when we went somewhere different. I think some kids would be sad about moving so much, because they like their friends and stuff. But I don't care. Dad is my best friend, and I'm his best friend, and we don't need anyone else.