The Balance Of Love

What is the measurement of love is it a man's heart was it the way. What was it simply the way a woman loyalty and strength and 100% standing by her man. Love played the major role. Surely love was the balance. I had loved him like I had loved no man before in my whole entire life. We did everything together including our chores. And though we were old enough we were still in our parents home but when mine passed away and I had to live with my grandmother my grandmother always stays herself she wasn't like no disliked they simply did not touch the colored. But she knew she said she could tell right off that I was going to be a handful for her. How can I say such a thing to someone who's quiet yet charming. My hair was curled I think about maybe 14 in but thick my grandmother could barely do anything with it she would always say put it in a ponytail child. And the day I met him that day  I had to walk home alone. The dirt road wasn't long it was just traveled a lot. I finally the day I met him found the shortcut. Mind if I walk with you he said no I don't mind. Cassandra said.
Walked and talked and got to know each other very well we do this every day and that's how it began he was kind and gentle and I loved it he wasn't afraid to have the conversation of life with me his parents weren't prejudice but their names had eyes and ears and of course family that didn't approve why should it matter. Morgan Winchester had said We have became friends best friends. we would have been lovers but he asked me to marry him and I said yes. And we decided to wait for both our sakes until he told his parents. I'm telling them tonight he said after supper and he did well I stood there they said you know our family money would not approve we're not prejudiced people I said I know pop but we should change things. I'm not a man that likes change and Jed Winchester and 59 years old and your mom Mildred Winchester she's 48 her name carries a lot of weight around here so if you don't mind Cassandra Owens you have a lot of growing up to do and so does our boy. I am a man pops I am 23 but you're still in our house. Morgan didn't say anything nor did I I'm going to marry her as he was walking out of the door with me. As a news traveled it was hard and harder for us to see each other but we continue so. My grandmother was well known in the town and she got wind of it. Not that she didn't know about the engagement. The whole town you I have received the heirloom of the family's ring they did not know it would be me that would receive the ring. We ignored it my grandmother said that you can always tell the honor of a man by what he allows another man to say or do with his life. Well my Morgan Winchester was a real man he stood up for me I was black he was right but I loved him. A new time would bring on changes I had sewed myself the perfect wedding gown . My grandmother she did not help me with my task but she did give me things to put on the dress things of value things of the past in the future. I've never seen a more beautiful dress and my whole entire life than the dress that I made for Morgan Winchester. It was a week before the wedding time had flew I could not believe he did not want a long engagement he said a woman of my status deserves to be put on a pedestal and deserve to be loved it didn't matter about the color it mattered about what I said to him the balance of love. He assured me not to worry I was walking to my grandmother's from the store I had a few more things I wanted to put on my dress the final touch is what I called it. Came up to me and he said to me where is Love now Cassandra Owens and he sped off how he said it brought chillsto my whole entire body. I had seen him earlier it wasn't fit for the bride to see the groom the day before but we had maybe that had been bad luck I don't know but the very next day the newspaper this picture was in it missing I thought to myself how cool someone playing a cruel joke. We're going to be married under the tree by my grandmother's house the minister was already I was dressed in my beautiful gown and my veil and my shoes that I place the same decor on that I had on my dress it was beautiful and my gloves and I waited like a woman should for her man. I did not see the newspaper and to my grandmother came and brought it to me. I said to myself the balance of love I may never have. But I did not give up I told my grandmother as I want the tears for my eyes they've got him somewhere I'm going there that is dangerous for you my child my grandmother said you have pleased me you are a woman of wisdom but that would be stupidity on your part and mine if I allow such a thing now come chat undress. And take care of your heritage. Time has a way of unwinding but telling the truth. I was bitter inside. I went back into my grandmother's house and I did my chores from the inside and the outside and I walked to the end of the road but I did not leave for her instructions were always wisdom. And did not see him nor did I hear anything else about it. How could they not  worry about their child. I wanted to know more I went by the pond against my better judgment saw a group of boys I knew I was in trouble. Cassandra Owens is such a shame what happened to Morgan. If you give me a piece of ass I'll tell you where he's at one of them said to me. I tried walking away fast but he grabbed me by the arms and spun me around are you dumb or something can't you hear I set up if you give me a piece of ass I'll tell you where he's at. I put my head down and another came beside him and said girl do you know what's best for you I just looked at him tears that are falling down my eyes tears won't help you now girl. And they surrounded me. I knew I was a goner something had to give. And the one with the name of bull grab me. Close my eyes as a rest laughed I waited nothing happened I peek to my surprise his sister had the guns on them move away from her now bull she said then why you want to do something like that embarrassing me in front of my friends she cocked it all right I'm moving.the one name bull moved but the others ran but was still laughing they shouted out catch up with you later. The moved out the way it started walking down the strip that went to their house. Now you leave miss and don't bring the likes of yourself back. I did not want to look a gift horse in the mouth but I still said the pond is for everyone and I walked away. I did not say thank you although I should have maybe one day I will say thank you but not today. She was beautiful just like myself but I could tell she was arrogant. Someone like myself. So I knew we would meet again. It was coming to the end of summer I stayed in more and more my grandmother she went out more than I did I decided to ask about Morgan I went to the Winchester's against my grandmother's orders. What are you doing here Jen Winchester said to me haven't you done enough. What are you talking about I said very stiff. You had my boy taken you just would not leave him alone. I loved your son. What is your problem why is your belly big my son had nothing to do with that. If I said he did what would you do the night before he was taken he couldn't wait he had a feeling something would happen so did I why you little fast tramp. I am not a tramp and I am of age and so is he. I won't have a bastard grand. Where is he I did not comment on the words he spoke out of anger. Where is my Morgan. I have no words for you ma'am other than what I've already said. That ring belongs to our family you should give it back. I will do nothing of the kind. He gave it to me because he loves me you don't know anything about love. You're worthless and your trash. I was hurt by the words he said. But I would not lose myself for the words that was bitter not prejudice.
I said if you know where he's at tell him that I love him and I'm pregnant and I turned and walked away I thought it was over with but he still said we have no grands nor do we have any sons because of the likes of you I will never tell him and I turned around the words he said I will never tell him Dug into my inner core. Then I will give my child your name you wouldn't do such a thing it would be dangerous for you" are you threatening me ?I said" I never make a threat jed Winchester said neither do I and I turned and walked away. I cannot believe I had let such a fool get me so angry. I cried all the way back my grandmother was right I said to myself that was foolish and dangerous. But I stood
my grounds. A few months have passed it was maybe about late September I was bigger now. You can tell by this time that I had not just gotten fat but that I was with child. It was a town meeting and my grandmother  insisted that I come with her.
And though my grandmother had been the shade of color. They respected her. Her friends were high class maidens in business owners wives. My grandmother's talents were her greatest assets. They loved it she curtains and drapes for whatever needed sewing she could do it 98% of the Town had her talents in their home tablecloths napkins even towels with embroideries she was so them she was very talented. And she jarred vegetables and fruits and even her hands were used to shop pecans and hickory nuts she was well known far and near. In fact that night I learned what happened to my Morgan the woman of the Town loved her when they got window what happened they gossip just enough for my grandmother to get an earful without them saying that you're a face that was. What  farmwas he on. I made up in my mind I would go fetch my beloved Morgan Winchester. My grandmother could drive she had a car it have been in the family for many years. But she doesn't use that much except for emergencies like today the town meeting we didn't have to walk but she prefer walking just like I do. But I would take the car she would not care if I was safe. I had $100 that I had saved from working. We are just gassed up so it had enough gas. I took a board and plastic there was a tiny space in the back window. To make sure to keep people out. When my grandmother went to sleep I had already packed me a light bag and some of her fried Chicken. Something to drink. I left her a note saying that I was sorry that I loved her but that I loved him as well. It was 10:00 p.m. by the time I got past the third farm. I was getting tired of driving I need to find a gas station I did not want to run out of gas I did not know all the measure it but I knew pretty soon I would need some I kept looking for the Macintosh farm
I thought to myself Winchester and McIntosh our family I would have never guessed. But I think it's Jed's sister. I finally found a gas station gassed up and put $20 in that left me with 80 bucks. I put my change in my side little purse.  And I walked outside I ran right into bull sister. Watch yourself I'm sorry I said she looked at me who knocked you up she said. Please don't tell me my brother. No not your brother said good that I have nothing to worry about and I don't have anything else to say. She walked away I said I do thank you for a while back when you save me. To turn around and she looked at me and said you're lucky I was having a good day. But you be careful I looked at her and I turned and walked to the car and she went inside the store. I knew she was better than that I said to myself. Someday I'm going to really repay her for saving me and my baby. And as I was about to pull off. She was walking where was she going I stopped the car got out she was coming out of the store. Do you need a ride I said to her? She looked at me what do you want with me. I just want to know do you need a ride somewhere where you walking to. That's my business you said. I guess it is and then it started raining she looked at me but I guess I can use a ride. I'm going to visit my family. Your family what is your family live are you always this nosy. Im just make me conversation. Well I'm Bree she said to me I am Cassandra I know who you Are the whole town does. Where you headed I'm looking for my Morgan
And she looked at me and laughed. Are you always the stupid. Stupid why do I have to be stupid I love him and he loves me. She looked at me get in the car I'll take you to him. You know where he's at I just told you get in the car I'll take you to him. I ran to the car as fast as I could being that pregnant. I'll drive she said I've seen your driving. She got in my  grandmother's car and I got on the passenger side. She pulled up before I could even put my seat belt on. Finally I got it on you might need to put yours on I said she looked at me and laughed  those things will kill you bree said. They say he's at the Macintosh farm she looked at me but she didn't say anything. She had driven a half a mile before she said that's my family. Your family" I said yes my family, now be quiet before I change my mind . She said and I did because I knew she would change your mind. The rest of the drive was quiet I was in fear that I might make her change your mind. We got almost to the Macintosh farm,Bree said put your head down I duck my head down as instructed. She said I don't want them to see you not until we've gotten myself into the barn. I'm glad I did and she has instructed. She got out of the car when we got to the barn open the barn door and drove in turn the car off. She handed me the keys you need this just in case.  a few moments later as I waited for her to return to hear her talking to someone I moved out of the way in the dark area. I saw him walk through the doors I came from out of the darkness instead in front of him he looked at me and said Cassandra and he looked at my stomach Cassandra you're pregnant. Yes it happened the night before you left. I'm so sorry I don't even know how to explain a word to begin they took me and told me that if I wanted to be with you without a problem I had to work to save up enough money to take care of you if I said I was a man every week he got harder and harder cuz every week I had to pay for this or that and they said the rest is yours. I see you got bree to bring you. I didn't even know you were family with the Macintosh. Yeah her mother and my father are sisters and brothers they,re uppity they have a lot of money. I know it doesn't seem like a good enough excuse but I just couldn't let my dad be right. Or my aunt for that matter. So Cassandra what do you want to do. I have $80 bucks did I say from working how much do you have saved the baby will be here in a little while I have $1,000 saved that's not much after getting a home and now with the baby. You should leave and continue never came here and let me work and get some more money that way our family would not know do you think that is wise I told your father I would name the baby after him then stick to your guns but do like I asked for your safety and our baby. You think that's wise I ask to be a part yes he said it is the wise solution. How long will you be maybe another month or so I guess I can hold out. I've instructed Bree on how to handle it she knows what to do she will let you know when I'm ready she has promised but don't aggravate her. He walked up to me and touching my belly I promise I'll do right by you.  and he kissed me  now you have to leave before  my aunt finds out. A hug him and turned away. Bree got into the drivers seat and I handed her the keys she started the car and backed out I stoop down as instructed. As we drove away I peekeda little at the gate side I looked at him one last time before she turned and got on the main road after that I sat up. And did not say anything all the way back she got out by her road I'll walk the rest she said take care I said thanks Bree and I drove off it was 3:00 a.m. when I walked into my grandmother's house she was fast asleep. She had knitted and embroided a beautiful blanket for the baby. I called her grandma, she did not answer, grandma I shook her. I'm back she looked at me did you find them child yes Grandma I did. Now you should be settled yes grandma. She held up the and brought it blanket and knitted this for the baby. I see Grandma I see. I took it and put it with the other pretty things she had made for the baby. I handed her car keys well child put it where you found it. Yes ma'am and I did. And I went to bed and I slept peacefully for the first time and all those months.