Dear Journal,
It was the end of summer when Felix and I broke up. I was tired of hiding our relationship from the world but I couldn't force Felix to do that. I only had one option... to end things.
For the next couple of weeks, I was barely making it to work on time, all I did was sleep, work, and eat.
For the end of junior year I stayed at Felix's place, to the outside world we just looked like close friends but we both knew that we were more.
Everyone seemed to forget about me being gay so Felix never ended up coming out to anyone but me and his mother.
As time furthered, I wanted more. I wanted everyone in the world to know that I was dating Felix. I wanted to kiss him in public and take him out on dates, nowhere fancy because I'm borderline broke, but that wasn't the point.
"I can't do this anymore" were the final words I spoke to him, but senior year is starting in a few days and I have a feeling that it will be like pouring salt into open wounds.
I'm sure that I miss Felix more than he misses me. I think about him every waking moment, and the less and less I see him, the more and more I wish that he was by my side.
I fell asleep thinking about the way I ended things with Felix, at this point, it's the only way I know how to fall asleep.
Just like that, it was time for the first day of senior year. My alarm clock was just as loud as ever. My bed was warm and comfortable. I didn't want to get out of bed, usually, I would be psyched but I was tired.
On the walk to school the sun was shining bright and I could feel the waves of heat pushing down on me. It was 90 degrees outside and I could tell that it was going to be a long day.
When I arrived at school everyone seemed excited, I thought about how all the seniors probably had college all figured out. I only have a year to make about two hundred dollars. One of my mom's old friends told me that I had a guaranteed spot at Virgina Tech. I've been super excited to go to the same school that my mom did. It's been one of the only ties that I have to her now that she's... gone. The only problem is that two hundred dollars seems like a little but it's alot on top of paying rent and this time I didnt have Felix to fall back on.
I walked into my homeroom and Felix was sitting in the back of the classroom next to the window. Across the board, "Sit anywhere" was written. I looked at Felix, I was almost mad at how perfect he looked. It was like I had hoped that I would have gotten over him by now.
I took the first seat that I saw, thank god all the seats by Felix were taken up.
A new boy sat in front of me. His eyes were like the treasured jade stone. The way his hair fell reminded me of Felix. I couldn't help but take a liking to the boy.
But it didn't matter there was no way that a boy like that was gay and even if he was I didn't even know his name.
All of a sudden a girl next to me noticed me peering at the new boy and she told me, "His name is Alex you know. I asked him out earlier and he told me he was gay."
Her words reminded me of what had happened on the same day last year, but the way she said it to me made it clear that he was out and proud.
I then looked over at Felix and sighed. Maybe if something happened between me and that Alex boy I could finally get over Felix... Maybe.
