let me love you - t.h.

chapter 18

TOM'S POV

I opened letter not expecting anything much. I never got letter that important. And I started reading. Turns out I was wrong. It had something in it. It made me burn inside. I didn't know for other feeling or emotion but anger and fury.

I didn't know if I was angry at myself for not seeing this earlier or angry at him. After few minutes I felt sadness and guilt so I sat on bed in Valentina's room. I was there entire time waiting for her to get out of the shower. But she better doesn't get out after this. I'm afraid I'm going to do something to her. I might hurt her.

No. I can't let that happen. I am supposed to protect her. But what is she knew about this? Oh, I'm going to be so angry. Maybe she is one of his spies and she actually tried to get to me for him. It's not coincidence she overheard conversation.

She got out of the shower already dressed and with her hair not fully dried yet. I didn't bother to take another look at her. If what I think it's truth about her then I won't bother to look at her ever again. But God, oh God, please don't let it be truth. I can't live without her.

"What's wrong?" – She asked standing away from me. I didn't say anything at first because I was putting words in correct order in my head. I didn't know how to start. I don't want to offend her immediately or accuse her of something she maybe doesn't have job with.

"Did you knew?" – I looked up at her with red eyes. I was about to start crying. "About what? Tom, you are scaring me. What are you talking about?" – She scoffed and her eyes followed my body as I got up.

"Did you fucking knew, that your father killed my parents!" – I yelled from my lungs. I was never this angry. To be honest, I didn't know if I was angry or hurt.

"No, my father- How could I know Tom? My whole life was a lie I don't know what truth is anymore." – She calmly said obviously not wanting to upset me more.

"I don't know Valentina. Even I don't know what truth is anymore. I don't know what's real. Are we real? Was this all the way just to get to me and fins my weak spot?" – I asked still yelling.

"How could you think something like that? I love you Tom. I could never let myself get attached to the person I was supposed to be spying on. But I got attached to you because of you, your actions Tom. You showed me safety when nobody was around. You showed me love when I had no one." – She said stepping closer in the show of comfort.

I shook my head when she came enough close to take my face in her hands. I just accused her of something I know she wouldn't do. Out of shame I couldn't look her in the eyes.

And not only that, I was afraid of people seeing me cry. I don't like when they see my soft side, or my weak spot. That is something you should never do in the job I do. Show emotions to someone.

With her hands, she raised my head and made me look at her. Tears are falling down my face right now and so are hers. Why is she crying?

"You don't have to hide your feelings, love. You are not a person without a heart. You have emotions. Don't be afraid of them. But, I don't like to see you cry. It hurts me to see you sad." – She sniffed not breaking eye contact with me.

I couldn't help so I broke down and got on my knees. Tears after tears never stopped. I tried to stop crying for her but I couldn't. There is too many reasons I should cry now.

She followed me down and sat beside me. She leaned back on bed and pulled my body between her legs so my head was on her chest. She hugged me and kissed me head several times. "It's okay."- She kissed my head one more time. "If we go down, we go down together." – She said and I felt like I am never going to be alone in my life. Like I will have her for the rest of my life.

I heard knocks on the door and I hoped that it isn't one of my men. If they see me like this, rumors will be spread and I will be easy to attack. As I tried to get up I felt her grip becoming harder and tighter.

"Mr. Holland-" – Man started but she cut him off. "Not, now. He'll find you when he's ready. Go away." – She commanded. "With all respect Miss Bianchi but I don't get orders from you. I need to speak to Mr. Holland." – He spoke. "If she said go away, then go away!" – I yelled at the man on the other side of the door.

"Alright Sir." – He said and then I heard footsteps fading away through the hallway. I looked up at her and she looked down at me.

"I love you." – I said getting lost in her green eyes. They had special meaning to me. Meaning of comfort and safety. "I love you too." – She whispered before kissing me in the most comforting way she has ever kissed me.

That's it. I found her. I found the love of my life. Someone I can trust. Someone I can love.