Avaricious

Vol 1 Chapter 1: Time To Commit Tax Evasion

Previously...

"...Damn it. This is seriously going to affect my financial status and my trout farm. I already assume that all of my trout farm is destroyed. I cannot earn money with a destroyed trout farm. How will I ever financially recover from this?"

Then I closed my eyes and hope that trouts survived, so I can farm them once again to earn money.

And now.

-/-

Augh, my body hurts. No, wait, my everything hurts so much that I might just puke out money right this instant. I tried to open my eyes, but my body refuses to cooperate with me. Damn it body, work with me here. But after some time of my body being a pain in the ass, I successfully opened my eyes to see that I am still being pierced by steel bars all over my body. Damn, my poor liver. I could have sell that for, I do not know, 1,000,000 dollars? Meh, maybe I am overpricing it too much.

I noticed that it is already night time. I am guessing that it is still August 29th, 1945, but in just a few hours, it will become August 30th, 1945. Man, time flew by like it was nothing. Just like me, I am nothing. Money is all I need. Money is life. Money is love. My life needs money. I love money. I stopped fantasizing about money and focus on the current problem. With that being me trying to get out of this steel bars. Oh boy, this is going to hurt so much.

Out of nowhere, I saw a raccoon.

"Hey, raccoon. Mind helping me here?" Of course, I did not expect to talk back-

"Sure! Just give me one of those delicious foods! I think it was called... dango. Yeah, that." It suddenly transformed into a human-ish. That is one incomplete transformation right there. Yeah, I am not even bothered by the talking raccoon. "Also, I'm a tanuki. Not a raccoon! Get that through your thick skull, human!" I raised my eyebrow at that.

"So, are you going to help me, or are you just going to stand there and berate me?" The tanuki spit on the ground. "Here, here, I'm helping you now. See?" The tanuki transforms into a one giant hand and pulls me out of there, accidentally sent me flying to the floor. "That shit hurtin' tho," I said. I stand up and greet this person who just helped me with no reason whatsoever. "I am Bob. Nice to meet you, huh..."

"The name's Higaka Yosheru. Nice to meet you. Now, those dangos, please." I... do not have any money in my pocket. As far as I know, I just got pierced by the steel bars... and I am still bleeding. Crap, this hurtin' alright. "Hey, before we get you those dangos, can you help me patch my wound. I am literally bleeding to heck right now." The tanuki nodded. He walks off to grab a handful of leaves, then just placed on top of my wound. I look at him in a neutral expression. "Bruh. What is this?"

"Umm, bandage?"

I face palmed. You know what, I do not care anymore. What matters is I get this tanuki the dangos, get the hell out of here, and ask myself on what the fuck is happening right now.

I slowly stand up, and as expected, my body is in pain, but not my mind. Because I am too focus on that sweet, sweet money. "We are leaving, Higaka."

"Sure."

We have been walking for a while until, we found a medical tent. Luckily, there is no line of people. Apparently, they all died. Weak shits. Anyway, we approached the medical tent, and Higaka already changed his form to that of a wounded soldier. Actually, we have a plan to cheat our way through this. Higaka created his own fake name called John Smith. What we are about to do is basically let Higaka act like he is going to die, and while the nurses and doctors are busy tending to his fake wound, I steal all the money without them noticing. Hmm, I am a genius. I am actually the one who came up with that plan. And now, we begin.

"ヘルプ！ ヘルプ！" Higaka shouted in Japanese. I never knew that he knows Japanese, but I keep forgetting that his species is called tanuki, so I think that is normal for him to speak Japanese.

The doctors and nurses rushed to his fake wounded body while I steal what is left of their yens. I could just exchange them to the nearest American bank, if I could find a plane out of here. I already got out  before they sent Higaka to the bed. I signal him that I already stole the money to buy him the dangos, and probably I can buy a ticket out of here.

Higaka transformed to a tiny paper airplane and flew out of the medical tent. After he got to my position, the doctors and nurses were confused on why the patient suddenly disappeared. But I am more confused on why they are leaving their money out in the open. I mean, who does that? That is just saying "Hey, come steal our money" to unwanted guests. But anyway, at least we got the yens. Now, time to buy the dangos. "We are going to buy dangos, dude."

"Really?! I'm starving!"

"Yeah, yeah, chill the f down." Then we silently leave this place.

We got into a city that is still intact, and I am fucking tired. It feels like I have walked like 690 meters. Oh wait, I just did. And it did not help that Higaka just transformed into a briefcase just to fool the locals here. Apparently, transforming into a human takes a huge amount of energy. Heh, of course there are pros and cons if you have some type of ability.

"Hey, how many dangos you want?" I whispered as to not let the people know that I am losing my sanity. "About ten!" I smacked the briefcase. "Oh look, I got the mosquito. Hehehehe..." The locals seemed to buy that. "Hey, stop shouting. You almost reveal that you are a talking tanuki." I whispered again. "Oh, sorry, sorry."

I bought ten dangos to the nearest vendor, and threw the dangos inside the briefcase like it is a mouth, which actually is. I go to a silent place like an abandoned park and sat there while Higaka is eating. "This is so 良い。" I just nodded while I eat my own portion of the dangos. While we are eating, I saw those same two children before while I was being impaled by the steel bars. I swallowed the dangos because I was too irritated that these two did no help me.

I am not about to commit tax evasion, but I am going to commit tax evasion AND child abuse. I could injure them so much that they black out and pretend that I am a poor father and begging for money. "Hehehe, what a great plan I created."

"Hmm, you said something?"

"Nothing. Just daydreaming. Continue eating your dangos." Fortunately, Higaka can be easily swayed by delicious foods. I am going to get those kids.

After I am done eating these delicious dangos. This shit taste so good.