My trusted enemy

Prologue

          There she was. Breathless, her pulse gone. She had officially reached her goal. Only it took her, her own life to achieve it. The red liquid leaking from her head, making the puddle grow every second. I had killed her. I didn't feel guilty, she did this to herself. The second she decided to destroy my life is the same second she ended hers.

          I had no one left and I had a good feeling I was going to end up like her too. I looked down to see her blood polluting me. It was everywhere. I had a good feeling that the school was going to be close for a while. I looked up at the eyes of everyone watching, even the teachers couldn't keep their eyes off me. I knew that they were all silently judging me.

          I always thought that She had tried to make me look like a bad person but maybe I always was a bad person, at least on the inside. The hallway was quiet, only the small murmurs of students within the crowd of high schoolers watching.

          Then it finally hit me. She had made me reach my breaking point. She didn't even ruin my life, she took my world away from me. The only thing I had left was gone, because of her. I looked down at her pale face and her crystal blue eyes staring into space. Her perfect body and perfectly straightened hair.

          She could have chosen anyone to ridicule and break down this entire time but she chose me. She tried everything she could to make sure that I could never live a happy life and she paid the price.

           Suddenly I lost it. I fell over her limp body and buried my head into my arms. Tears fell down my face as I took in the events of this past week. Last Tuesday everything was okay and everything was normal, but now it was all gone.

          The students who would never recover from the sight that they witnessed and the teachers who would fear newcomers in their class because they have no idea what they are capable of doing. The girl that was right below me who lost her life due to another girl who couldn't control herself, or the girl who had died last Friday because someone thought it would be enough to destroy me. Everyone here had been affected. Even me feeling regret and grief, Who it was for? I couldn't tell. All I knew is that the worst feeling that I've ever felt was currently spreading through my body and spiraling out of control.

          I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could've prevented this if I had done something as simple as to go to a different school, or to take care of my mother, the way that she couldn't even take care of me. I let this all happen. I cause all of this.

           I can't help but feel that what I did was right, She wasn't an innocent girl. She had blood on her hands, she was basically asking for her gruesome death once she decided to take things a step further.

          I stood back up, finally feeling stable enough. I looked at all the silent teachers and students and I turned the other way. I turned the other way, and I just simply walk. No one was there to stop Me. No one dared to stand up to me. And no one cared what happened to me, because the only people who cared about me were dead.

          I walked and then I sped up, and then I felt the tears so the walking turned into jogging and that jogging turned into running, running until my legs gave out. I fell in the middle of the side walk. The loud sound of the traffic that was passing by was roaring into my ears. The people nearby that were walking Past me, calling their loved ones and taking a sip of coffee enjoying the fresh night air. Everything grew louder and louder until all I heard was a foul ringing in both my ears.

           No one cared to stop and ask me why I was in the middle of the street having a meltdown because this was the real world where no one felt compassion for others.

          I tried to calm down but horrifying images fill my head instead, the blank look on her face, Lilly's face of horror when I found her, the terrified faces of the students who witnessed a cruel murder to what they thought was an innocent girl, my mom with the expression of a psychopath on her face the first night she came home high, the bruises and scratches she had given me, the scars that I have given myself everyday, the hunger I had felt because I wasn't pretty enough for even my own mother to love me, the disapproving faces of everyone I had ever met or because close to because I was a disappointment to everyone around me, even the explosions I had witnessed the night that my father perished had filled my head.

          That's when I truly realized that my life truly was shit, when I was finally done with school (which was hell) I would come home (which was also hell).

           I remember the nights I had stayed out, in the middle of no where at three in the morning while being high was one of the best feelings in my life. Being alone with out having to deal with my psychotic mother or That girl that i just killed or the pain of everything that happened to me.

          I thought back to when my mother was still my mom, when she gave me hugs and fed me and always put me first. I remember the beautiful smile on Lilly's face, the same smile my dad had. She really did mean it when she said she would ruin my life.

          Suddenly I was snapped back to reality when some guy cussed me out for taking up his walking space, exactly what I needed in my desperate state.

           I heard sirens and my mind was clouded, I thought back to the girl that i killed and Lilly and all the people who saw me end her life, the only thing that became clear to me was the feeling that I needed to run, I don't think they were after me but I still felt I needed to run. I didn't know where to but my legs still took me. I ran and I ran until my legs were numb enough to kill me.

           I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings but I noticed it was quiet, Too quiet. I looked around and saw the ashes of a burned building, half of it gone and I immediately knew where I was. I walked through the building and through the giant forest behind it until I reached a small pond. I knew this place and I knew no one would find me here.

           I walked over to the pond and looked down, into the face of a murderer. A familiar face, I've seen it all my life. The only difference was that, this wasn't the same person. They looked broken. They always felt like shit but this time she looked like it too. she had blood all over herself and tears falling out of her eyes like a faucet. Her eyes just as red as her cheeks, scars all over her legs and hands because she was too hard on her self, her desperate face, Desperate to finally be loved. To finally be cared about and to finally be normal and to no have to deal with this shut. To actually be likable because she was so fucking shitty that she even hated herself.

           Maybe one day it will finally be over. Maybe one day I won't have to suffer anymore. Maybe one day I won't have to live in this cruel world. I looked down at the fish in the pond, the fish who didn't have to suffer like I did. I thought back to the high schoolers who would never have to know how I felt my whole live.

          I thought about the way that Olivia would get a funeral and celebrated as a hero and a fighter while all I will get is articles about how I was a crazy and shitty person, a real life villain, how I 'wanted' to make sure no one got to live a long and happy life. The tears stopped, I only had so many in me.

           I felt myself get weak so I grabbed onto a tree for support. I would die. Sad and alone, with no one to see me as a hero or a fighter the same way they would see Olivia. I would die and my death would be celebrated. People would see me as a psychotic person who wanted power in 100 years, if they even did remember me. I felt a headache grow and the ringing came back. I tried covering my ears but it didn't do anything because that ringing wasn't real, it was in my head. A sudden spike of pain appears in my back and all of a sudden I felt limp and my vision got blurry. The next thing I felt was the cold grass and everything going black. And the last thing I remembered was hoping to never wake up again. i let myself go into the peaceful sleep hoping to end my suffering.