Recovery

37. Weaknesses

The good and the bad times, we've been through them all.

You make me rise when I fall.

'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling.

And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly. 

Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.

Need you by my side. 

____________________

Justin ended up tackling me onto his bed and I just laid there while he let his bottled up emotions out. He cried for so long and all he ever said was 'I'm sorry' over and over. I reassured him it wasn't his fault, but he'd say it was and he'd just hold onto me tighter. I stroked his hair and simply comforted him because saying everything was okay would be horrible.

When people told me everything was going to be okay after Sarah, it'd piss me off to no end, so saying it now would be rude and unnecessary because no matter what I said, it wasn't okay. We've just learned to deal with it and accept it.

After a long while of laying in his big comfy bed, he finally got up and went to the bathroom. I heard the faucet turn on, so I was assuming he was washing his face or something. Sure enough, when he stepped out, his face was dripping with water and he dried it with a towel. "Let's go," he said, grabbing his keys. I said nothing and followed him down to his car.

On our way to the studio, he was quiet and seemed tense. I tried holding his hand, but when I outstretched mine, he simply looked down at it and back to the road. It hurt to see him all of a sudden pushing me away, but I knew this wasn't easy to deal with, so I left him alone. However, I couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of rejection and now I was scared to even talk in fear he might ignore me or tell me to shut up.

When we got to our destination, I texted Mia and let her know of my whereabouts before she went crazy. Because it was the weekend, she didn't mind. I followed Justin into the studio and to the recording room. There were already a couple people there, but before we stepped in, he pulled me aside. "I'm sorry about earlier. I just lost it," he said.

I was confused as to why he was apologizing. "What?"

"I wasn't supposed to react that way, it just happened," he said, sounding as if he was trying to defend himself from something.

"It's okay, Justin," I say.

"No it's not," he almost yells, "I wasn't supposed to cry!"

"Justin, it's okay to have natural life reactions to things. You act as if it's a bad thing that you cried. I would be worried if you didn't. It's okay!" I explain, "If anything, you should feel better. I wouldn't ever judge you, baby. I know what it feels like to be in that position and I was only trying to comfort you. Just because you get some sense of security from me doesn't mean you have to try and push me away. I love you, dammit and don't you ever think I'd look down on you for having a breakdown. I've had many and you're still here, so why wouldn't I be?"

He stares at me with a look of awe and adoration. I wrap my arms around him and he kisses the top of my head. "I love you so much, Cassie," he says.

I smile up at him, "I know. Now go in there and make some kickass music." He pecks my lips and drags me in the room with him, introducing me to his friends/co-workers.

The guy on the main mixing console played something that sounded like a guitar and Justin seemed to like it because his face brightened and he flipped his notebook to a new page. The guitar rhythm went on and the pencil in his hand moved across the paper like a lightning bolt. I smiled at how fast he got so concentrated and I admired him.