Save Me

Chapter 4

I walk to Dianna. She smiles at me. I don't even bother smiling back.

"Why don't you tell the other girls a little bit about yourself?" Dianna asks. I want to say no but I don't want to be bullied for being shy.

I take a deep breath and slowly raise my head to look at the rest of the girls. My breathing starts to quicken. I see two older girls, probably about 15, laughing and whispering and pointing at me. "I-I-I." I stutter.

"Hahaha! She can't even say a full sentence!" One of the older girls says. I can't help it anymore.

I run into the bathroom and lock the door. This is when I let the tears fall. I reach into my back pocket. Thankfully I have my phone. I take off the case and get my blade. I roll up my sleeves and drag it across my wrists for the second time today.

I have about 20 new cuts on my wrist when I hear someone banging on the door.

"Hayley. Hayley. Please let me in. Please open the door. Hayley I need you to open the door." It's Dianna. I wipe my eyes.

"Yeah in a second." I say back. I quickly wash my cuts and put my sleeves down. I clean the blood off the floor with a black towel I found in there. I walk to the door and open it.

"Hayley. Let's go to your room." Dianna says. I nod and follow her. When we get there I notice Sophie sitting on her bed with her phone.

"Sophie. Would you mind leaving? I need to have a chat with Hayley." Dianna asks her.

"Sure." She replies. She smiles at me then leaves.

"Sit down Hayley." I sit on my bed and Dianna sits next to me.

"I am going to ask you one question and I need you to answer me honestly. Please. Otherwise I'll tell Gemma not to come and see you tonight." It's going to be about my self harm. I know it. I gulp and nod.

"Did you self-harm in the bathroom just before?" I burst into tears. Dianna hugs me. "You're going to tell Gemma tonight. Okay?" I nod. She rubs my back.

"Why don't you just stay here and I'll come and get you at dinner time?" Ew food. I nod. Dianna leaves.

Ugh. I'm such a screw up. I can't even go a day without cutting. I can't keep a meal down. I get my headphones, turn on my Demi playlist and go to sleep.

Next thing I know, somebody is shaking me. "Hayley wake up. Dianna said to get you for dinner." Sophie says.

I groan and rub my eyes. Sophie grabs my hand and leads me to the dining room. I almost vomit at the smell of food. Sophie leads me to a table with about 3 other girls.

"That's Chloe, Hazel and Kayla." Sophie says while pointing to each one.

All three of them are tanned. Chloe has blue eyes and blonde wavy hair. Hazel has green eyes and light brown straight hair. Kayla had brown eyes and dark brown wavy hair.

"Hi." They say.

"Hey." I say back. My voice barely above a whisper.

They start talking amongst themselves while we wait for our food. It's kind of like a restaurant except we can't choose what we have. I look around. I see a group of 5 little girls all sitting at a table laughing and having fun. Then I see the two girls from before who were laughing at me. They were sitting with 4 other girls.

I tap Sophie's shoulder. "Who are they?" I ask pointing to them.

"Oh um. They're the popular group I suppose. Keira, Lara, Kenzie, Emily, Zoe and Ashley. They can be nice if you don't get on their bad side." She says.

I nod. I notice people coming out with food. Dianna is behind them and heading towards where I'm sitting. They put the food on the table and I look at it. Macaroni cheese. So many calories. Too many calories.

"Um. Dianna. I-I don't like pasta." I say quietly, hoping that she won't say she'll get me something else.

"Oh okay. Usually you'd have to eat it but seeing as it's your first day I'll let you off. What would you like instead?" She asks. My stomach drops.

"Uh-um nothing. I'm not hungry. I-I'll just go to bed." I say getting up to leave.

"No. You can follow me." I groan. She leads me to the kitchen and points to a table.

"Sit." She says. I do. "Gemma told me to make sure you eat. If you don't eat I'll tell her not to come. What would you like?"

I know there's no getting out of it and really want to see Gemma so I'll purge later. "Salad." I say quietly.

She sighs. "Fine." She quickly makes a small salad and puts it on the table. "I am going to watch you eat all of it. Once you're done you can leave and I'll come get you when Gemma arrives." I nod and put a piece of lettuce on my fork.

I slowly put it in my mouth and chew. I can feel myself getting fatter already. "Hayley. Don't eat it. You're already too fat. Don't eat it." My demons chant. I will them to be quiet and I quickly finish the salad.

I look up at Dianna. "Can I go now?" She nods.

I leave and quickly walk to the bathroom. I lock the door, kneel down in front of the toilet and stick two fingers down my throat. I flush the toilet, wash my hands and brush my teeth silently thanking myself that I had enough common sense to bring my toilet bag into the bathroom before I went to the dining room.

I walk back to my room and sit on my bed. I suppose I get lost in my thoughts because the next thing I notice is Sophie opening the door. "Dianna told me to tell you that Gemma's here." She says.

I immediately stand up, open my door and scream Gemma while running to her. I begin to cry and hug her. She hugs me and runs my back.

"Shh Hayley. It's okay. I'm here." She says in a soothing tone. I eventually let her go and lead her to my room. We sit on my bed and I lean on her shoulder.

"Hayley. Dianna told me that you have something you wanted to tell me?" She questions.

My breathing speeds up a bit. Gemma notices. "Shh I won't be mad. I promise" I calm down.

I pull away from her shoulder slightly and pull up my sleeve. Gemma hugs me tightly. "Aww sweetie. It's gonna be okay." She says. "Did you eat dinner?" I nod. It's not a lie. "Did you keep it down?" I look at my hands.

"Hayley can we please go a get you something small to eat?" She asks me. I nod slightly. She grabs my hand and we walk down to the kitchen. Dianna is there cleaning up.

"Can we please have an apple, a knife and a plate?" Gemma asks.

"Sure." Dianna hands them to her. We walk back to my room and Gemma cuts the apple into really small pieces.

"Eat Hayley."