égoïste [Akaashi Keiji]

raison #32

Inoue's words rang through Shiori's mind once again for the fiftieth time that night. His words were all right; everything that he said was what she wanted in her future team, should she continue to pursue volleyball.

Even though there were the happenings from middle school, she was willing to put it behind her and form new plays with new colleagues and teammates - she wasn't going to shy away anymore. There was nothing to gain, especially with how she loved volleyball too much. If she wanted to play on a team but didn't want the team to think and put her on a pedestal, shouldn't she just find a team that wouldn't do just that?

It would be different if she was arrogant, but Shiori, to a point, was aware of where she stood in terms of balance, which is why there was such a terrible imbalance of skills and plays.

But...will I get that feeling again? She found herself thinking about one of her worries again; in the top 3 of her worries lists, equal to team dynamics.

The feeling she wanted when she played, was that feeling of exhilaration and amazement that blossomed in her chest when she did a successful play. She didn't know how to bring it back, but with the spark that happened when she was with Akaashi a while ago, it reinvigorated her and solidified her understanding, allowing her to hope that it could happen again.

"Is it related to the team...?" She found herself wondering. Thinking back on it now, she realised she only became this way because of the team dynamics.

Did I bring it on myself, though?

Once again, she thought, but to no avail. There were a variety of factors, many of which involved a team, but since she still didn't know which it was, there was no way to pinpoint the exact cause.

Shiori wanted to scream into her pillow, and rolled onto her stomach to fall face first into her pillow.

At this point in time, her brother, Arata, knocked on her door, slowly opening it before peeking his head inside.

"You're not asleep yet?" He questioned, raising a brow.

His sister made a noise through the pillow, prompting him to slide in and close the door, sitting by her bed. "Didn't you have a big day today?"

Shiori, feeling her brother's weight on the bed, got up and sat cross legged, leaning against the headboard. She grunted in agreement.

Arata grabbed her pillow and hit her with it, "Then go to sleep, dumbass."

"Too busy thinking." She just closed her eyes as he continuously used her pillow, wanting to roll her eyes.

"Yeah? I heard from one of the reps that you went to the open session today and met Inoue-san." Arata smiled when Shiori shot him a confused look, wondering why he had this piece of information. "What did you think of him?"

Shiori sighed, she couldn't hide much from Arata. He somehow always had a way of finding out things. "He's great. Made me think about a few things, but also invited me to play on the weekends with them."

Arata made an expression of surprise, then hummed, "Why not go? You'll gain experience playing different players and roles."

"I was thinking of going anyway, actually. It's a really good deal, and these players are way more professional, or should I say, less immature, than those from before. But that's not what I'm worried about though." Shiori took the pillow and placed it on top of her legs, "It's about whether I feel good when playing volleyball."

"I see," He made a hum of acknowledgement and placed a hand over her head, ruffling her hair. "Well, just try it out and if it doesn't work, try again with something else."