Mein Sonnenschein.

Chapter 8 | Okay.. So what Now?

Richards POV.

We separated from the kiss, breathing slightly heavy, and I, admittedly, was feeling very hot and flustered. Shocked at what had just happened, not quite believing it just yet. We just kissed, properly and for a good while. We simply sat, my hands still on Paul's head and neck, my forehead resting against his. This reminded me of a time during Ich Tu Dir Weh where I'd walked over to him and just rest my head against his. Friendly, happy. Playing the song while Till was dragging Flake over to the bath tub. Our own world in that moment, again at that point simply just friends but now, now was different. The feeling of him being so close was so warming I didn't want to end it. I couldn't move, I don't think he could either since he made no effort or move to go. Was this all an experiment? I don't know, maybe he's testing what he likes and since we're best friends he chose me? But that doesn't seem like something Paul would do.. none of this seems like anything Paul would do. Kissing me? Kissing a guy in general, I've never known Paul to even find men attractive. Women of course, after all the guy has kids and exs. Well, I can stay much, I've never found guys attractive until Paul. Fuck, we really need to talk about this.

I move my head just a little bit so my forehead isn't touching his anymore, this way I could look more into his eyes easier. I let my hands slide away from his head and neck to rest on his legs and he did the same, keeping his right hand on my leg but he moved his left to be resting on mine, in kind of a holding hands way. This made me happy, just like anything Paul does makes me happy, even if it is probably something he did randomly. We're still extremely close, and I wasn't complaining, but we need to talk about this whole situation. But how? How do I go about it without ruining this moment or making it too awkward? I know I'm going to have to be the one to start the conversation because Pauls to stuttering, but how?

I thought for a few moments, contemplating all the different ways. Go straight for it and just say all my feelings, keep nothing secret. Or dance around them and tell him a little but not all. Keep somethings to myself, finding out his feeling's to gauge how much to tell. In the end I made a decision. Go straight in and say what I'm thinking, what can I lose at this point. I took a breath before just letting it all go, "Paul, I don't know what this is to you... But, to me, this is everything I've wanted this to happen for a month now. Since the first Ausländer, since that stupid small first kiss, I've wanted more. Needed more. That night you caught me on the bus after not sleeping, I hadn't slept because I was thinking of you, what to tell you and how I felt. That day I didn't talk to you as much as usual, it was because I was trying to distance myself from you, to kill these feelings before they got worse. But Flake, he noticed and when you told him you were sad because of it, because of me not talking to you.." I hate that memory when he seemed so sad because of me. "He came and told me about you and he worked it out. I don't know how but we all know Flakes damn good at solving puzzles with the littlest of clues. Remember that time in the escape room?" I tried to lighten the conversation with a story I knew we both loved and it worked because Paul chucked replying, "Yea. We got record time because we took Flake and he did it in like 20 minutes. All of us just sat back as he did it all himself. I remember I messed with the 'zombie' in there, running around him, that guys were funny. Then the woman couldn't believe it when we opened the door." He chuckled and so did I remembering the womans face of complete shock. The room any normal time took at least 40 minutes. Like I said, in normal days, not everyone has Flake. I then carried on with my explanation after having a lighter moment, "Well, I told Flake everything and that was it. I kept it to myself and he didn't mention it again. But now. Now this has happened and I feel myself caring for you more than I ever have, especially more than a friend, even a close friend way... I just want to know Paul, is this some bad joke gone wrong? Or some experiment? Or, or what?" Did any of that make sense? And I thought Paul rambled.