Fraud and Fancies

The Month of Sugar Sweets

The sky was a lilac color, my breath was cold, how ever lasting I had thought my love to be. How easily it diminished into something not worth to even be a tale or an old song.

I questioned myself for once, had it been my fault? Had I let my heart be swayed too freely?
Had I had any shame I wouldn't have loved you. 

There were no words that could ever bring my ruminating mind any rest.

I slipped by the dining room as everyone ate once I reached home and into the comforts of my bed room, where I had no sleep, of course, but at least I could let myself cry. All I had wanted was to share my sorrow with someone else and yet I was left to be alone. My foolish self, even after years of being apart of this family, hoped some one would come to see if I was okay. If I had eaten or if I had been upset. If had been so heart broken that I felt a sharp pain through my chest, which scarily enough, I didn't feel. I rather felt empty and the only sadness I felt was that of being wrong, wrong about my love— about what I chose to care for.

I had made yet another experience all about me, had I learnt nothing from my sisters? One of my sisters was home even though she was wed.

"True shame I've felt when your sister, Claudia,  came back, but not more than if she had married that commoner. I would've hanged myself then." My mother had had said grimly. I felt her almost choke on her words as to her, her life meant more than anything else; well no, her pride was above that. If my mother had found out about my affair, she would have gobbled up her bottle of pills. The pills for her nerves, the poor lady has never been calm. I feel pity for her as calmness is my most treasured sensation. As a matter of fact, I felt it as of now, my tears had dried up on my cheeks like stains of ink. The knot in my throat had untied. My eyes had unfocused, and my pain had vanished. The numbness replaced the helplessness, for I finally felt tranquility. I thought that if my love lasted, I would have had to face many hardships and now, the need for such hardships no longer existed. I was free to be betrothed to any rich man willing to take care of me in exchange for companionship.

I slept in bed, quite comfortably, with the desire to dream. For a dream was where I could have what I wanted without the perils of society and unfaithfulness of lovers.

With that I fell into a slumber, only to be awoken at dawn violently by Claudia.
"By God, Claudia, why must you shake me awake like a pepper mill?" I whined.
"Must you always be so unaware of everything?" She said pressing her quivering lips together.
"What? Why? What's wrong?"  I asked.
"He's here."
"At dawn?"
"He's come to take me back."
"But you won't go, right?"
"Mother will send me, regardless of what I want, it's better to pretend I'm leaving on my own accord."
"What? No? This is a slap to the face in the name of being a free woman!"
"And what must you have me do?"
"Run? Run away from here? You deserve a man who will not belittle you and your ability to keep house."
"Keeping house is all that he asks of me! Can I not provide him with what every woman provides a man with?"
"You are willing to sacrifice yourself for this man?"
"What other man would take to a woman such as myself? What other man will be willing to provide for me!"
"Fine! Do as you wish! Tend to his filth!"
"You will understand one day, Evelyn."
I scoffed, " Understand? I've always understood, the only thing keeping you with him is your lack of wealth, as if you can't make your own?"
"Wealth? Is that what you think it is? It's not wealth that binds me, it's companionship. You wish for me to be alone for ever? Or wait on the possibility of another? You wish to see me risk my life rather then to lie down with a man that has given me his name?"
"If you've so clearly decided on what you wish for, why have you come here? Why have you woken me?"
"Because- because I do not wish to be alone when I face him for he makes me feel vulnerable."
"Vulnerable? Yes, you will feel that for many years to come then if you wish to leave with him today."
"I've already packed, I intend to leave for certain."
"Already? How long have you been waiting for his arrival?"
"Since the day I got here, Ev."
"What? What happened to 'I'll pretend to leave on my own accord'? You never fail to surprise me with your hypocrisy, Claud, don't worry, I'll go get changed. You'll have everything as you wish. "