Hello, would you like to hear my story? How I died? Felt? The pain? And why I killed myself? It began like this....
I'm not the prettiest girl in the world, not the smartest person ever, not the sportiest kid you've ever seen, I'm not perfect. But, I am pretty, I am smart, and I am sporty.
My name is Ellis, Ellis Wild. 14 years old. I've had cute boyfriends. I have pretty friends. I'm a regular joe!
#1
"Cook me something to eat," My disgusting mother said to me. The list of Why I Killed Myself begins with her. Don't get me wrong, parents can be the bomb, but my mother hates me. She's a drunky, a smoker, huge drug abuser, and a hater. My father left her only last year, he felt bad, but she had full custody. He went off to California, leaving me in New York, to begin a new life. New family.
I have to now deal with my mother everyday. Sickening.
"What the fuck you standing there for? Cook, Slut!" She got off of her chair and smacked my head. I opened the fridge quickly and began cooking her some eggs, bacon, and toast. She ate it up, then just walked out. "Clean up the mess ya made, Girl, and go do something." The last thing she said before she went out. I clean up quick, then called my friend, Lesley, who is 19, laying down the floor on my blankets. My bed.
I live in a nasty, small apartment. Nothing to it.
"Hey, wanna come down tonight?" She asked. "I"m havin' so many friends come over, like a party."
"I'll see, if my mom lets me."
"That Hag probably won't even realize your gone, Girl. C'mon! I have boys comin'. And your a beautiful girl, so ya know they'll like."
I laughed. "I'll try. Can you come get me?"
"Yup. Half hour? Be ready."
I took a quick shower, dressed in my finest clothes, Jeggings, Converse, and a long, blue shirt, low cut, necklace, ring, small earings, and some eye liner. I brushed out my long, straight, black hair using my moms brush, put on some perfume, and soon enough, she was home..... With people. A young man, looked like he was 20, walked in behind my drunk mother, holding her by the waste and kissing on her neck. I gacked when I saw this.
Soon enough, another boy, about 18, walked in, screaming and shouting happily, drunk. They walked to the back, staring at me, then slammed the door. She sure won't know I'm gone, drunk and all. She always brings home men, sometimes even boys. A 31 year old women, beautiful as hell, can do anything she desires. I wasited by the door for Lesley, listening to the druesome sound of my mother and the 2 men on her bed. I began to cry for some reason.
Soon enough, Lesley showed up and flashed her headlights repeatedley. I wiped away my unkown tears and ran to her car.
"Thanks for getting me, my mother brought home two men tonight."
"Not new with her, huh?" She began to drive off.
"Not at all. I feel like I can't live this life for another 5 to 6 years, Les. I hate it. She treats me like shit, makes me do everything. Why the fuck do I want to bother anymore?"
"I know, Baby girl. Well, you'll have fun tonight. Maybe you can stay over a night."
"I wish. Hopefully."
We talked about my mother the rest of the ride. "Member when my mom yelled at you for giving me a ride home when she didn't pick me up at school and got drunk instead? I had been waiting 3 hours!"
"I know. That made me so mad. You tried calling a million times, but she wouldn't pick up. Getting laid and drunk."
"I know. My mother never could be trusted, respected. She beat up a 16 year old girl for cutting her in line at the store once, only to be meeting up with her mother, who tried to stop my mother, but got hurt in the process. My mom tells me usually every night that I am scum. I put her in pain when I was born. That she only wanted a child so she could shoplift and blame it on the baby. Poor innocent mother with baby would never steal. She always tells me I am beautiful though. I get her looks from her. Then once......"
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Ellis."
"I do, though. Once....... She brought home an 19 year old boy. Really hott! But um...." I cleared my throat. "He stared at me like I was some chocolate ice cream. And I was only.... 10 at the time. My mom put make up on me and everything. He was licking his lips as he stared at me. My mother asked him for 'the money.'"
"Then what?" Lesley took a turn left.
"He gave her some money. Then she said i'm all his. He lead me to my moms bedroom and locked the door. Layed me on the bed..... And it all became a blur from there. He raped me...... That night, my mom kept asking me how it felt. Did it feel good? Nice? Ya like it? I didn't know what it was that he had done to me. I never knew about sex. That was one of the reasons my father left my mother. I told him about it. He got up and grabbed my mother by the hair. He smacked her and yelled at her. He was crying. They went to court. My father tried so hard to get full custody of me..." I gulped, and began to cry.
"He would've killed someone to get custody of me. But since he left a bruise on my mother for the anger he was feeling, he wasn't aloud. Plus, he had no proof of the guy raping me. He knew my mother was an alcoholic. He knew. He left. Divorced, then gone. My mother beat me for 10 minutes straight for telling my father. Threatened to kill me if I ever pulled a stunt like that again. I wish I could!"
Lesley pulled up into her driveway, and we sat in her car, hugging. I never told her about that because I felt uncomfortable just thinking about it. Glad I had gotten that out.
