My Little Flower

The Rant

I always keep thinking this,"Am I that good an actor that people can't see my exterior behavior is fake or is it just that they don't care?". Though my heart says its former, my mind keeps telling me that they just don't care. I don't know, its like no one understands me anymore. There are times when I just want to fade away from this world. I feel like drowning in self pity. I just always have this nagging feeling in me saying that no matter how hard I try and make the people surrounding me happy, they will always find a way to break my heart and hurt me. So now, whenever I have that feeling I run away from it all together. Every thing I do feels wrong now. I have lost confidence in myself. I doubt myself more than necessary. When my friends are sarcastic and just act like they are mean, it hurts but I put on a smile. You see like Shakespeare said, "All world's a stage, the men and women mere players", it seems to be so true when you understand the deeper meaning of that line.

It hurts so much to get to know that you are drifting away from your own family, and what hurts even more is when your family does not realize that you are quieter than usual and beat yourself up for everything that is wrong though it is not your fault.

Well these are the moments when I realize why people cut themselves. It is not because they are weak, it is because they are numb and want to feel something, anything at all. And pain is the only thing that makes them live another day of their life, that gives them the strength to go ahead and face another tedious day.