empty parking lots, empty pill bottles.

i'm excited for summer.

where i live, summertime is just about to arrive, and i'm remembering why i don't like it. i guess i like it, but i don't enjoy it.

let me explain.

summertime is warm and colorful and sunburns and sundays you can go to church on, right. but i don't go to church, and im pale as fuck so i burn the same that milk boils. i like the color, and i'd rather be hot than cold, but i don't like summertime.

having no school is amazing, though. with the tease of summer on the tip of my tongue, the anxiety around assignments and homework and everything is just so much worse. the idea that soon, ill be done with all of this and soon, i'll be playing tennis at 9 pm and waking up at 10. i'm not not excited, i'll be honest. (basically, i'm excited). maybe i finally will feel better. 

my science teacher-- who is an absolute shitpile of a dude, by the way-- is leaving next year, which i'm also stoked about. act's are coming around. terrified. i'm very much so not prepared. 

i'll be off my medication in june. i'm not sure how to feel about it, either. it was the third medication i tried-- the first gave me nightmares, i was allergic to the second, and the third just worked, i guess. it's fine. i take it every morning, and it makes me feel better. sometimes i wonder what would happen if i just stopped taking them-- like, i'm addicted to this little thing that just makes me happy, but i only take them because my therapist wants me to and i value her opinion.

i dunno. i have to go, my free period is almost over. i keep reminding myself that i have schoolwork all the time.