Trauma

Boundaries

Today is the day I thought! I'm gonna tell my friends and family that I'm pansexual and genderfluid and I prefer he/they pronouns. Oh! And that I prefer the name Ryn instead of Rilyn. I honestly don't know why parents spelt it that way but it's whatever at least it's not my name anymore. This morning I grabbed a cup or yogurt and some berries, honey and coconut water to drink since it apparently makes you slim. My mom called my name as I was putting on my back pack and we were out the door. My mom asked me about my grade, the usual and I told her I needed t9 tell her something. She got worried and asked what was wrong. I immediately knew she thought the worst, so I reassured her and told her that it was nothing too serious.

She asked what I needed to tell her, " well mom I-" I hesitated "... I'm pansexual and genderfluid and I was wondering if you could use he/they pronouns for me and if you could call me Ryn?" "Well i your father and I wi-" "please don't tell dad! I'd rather tell him, you know how he is,''''fine but it'll take some time to get used to it but if that's what you'd prefer to go by then I guess that's that." "So you're not mad?" "Why would I be mad at you for being part of the lgbtq" "idk I just always thought you and dad wouldn't accept me." "Of course not honey I love you no matter what. And after school we can go shopping and get your haircut" "REALLY!?" "Why the hell not?" "Thanks mom I'll see you after school, love you!" "I love you too... Ryn"

School was okay, it was the usual, hanging with Liz, Cory, and Gwen. Liz and Cory and twin sitters and Liz is quite girly whilst Cory is more masc and she's my all time bestie(plus I've known her the longest) and then Gwen..... Gwen is so beautiful, the only girl I've ever liked more than a friend. I just don't know how to tell them, they're kind, athletic, artistic, and they always stick up for me when Jessica and Rachel bully me. But lately they've been kinda flirty with me and since I've always been the shy type, I either hide my face or run away. And then they feel bad for pushing my boundaries, but I always tell them it's okay and I just get flustered easily. They never really believe me but I mean it cheers them up so I'll take it. Today we were hanging outside during break and we were play fighting and they pinned me against the wall and I got so flustered I almost started crying. They didn't notice until it was too late and I started crying, they apologized and asked why I always cry whenever she flirts with me. I couldn't force the words out of my mouth. "I- I-" "hey it's okay if you don't wanna tell me and, I'm sorry about pushing you too far I'm such an idiot." "No I-I'm sorry I just... I just. Trauma" I said smiling trying to let them know that it's not their fault