Decoupled • KTH ✔

Chapter 23

Maya

It has been a week and six days since I last saw Taehyung.

And it would be a horrible lie if I say that I haven't been crying over our high school pictures every night since he left; the sadness that crossed his eyes still haunting my mind.

My mind is totally restless with thoughts about Taehyung and his life, and to think that he has been struggling in his marriage yet holding himself together for the sake of his daughter and the society is actually very sad and depressing.

He deserves to live better.

But does that ever justify his need to seek comfort from a woman other than his wife? No matter how precious the other woman has been in his life. No, it isn't acceptable at all.

If his wife does the same to him, would he take it easy?

I bet not.

If I were his wife, would I be okay to share him with another woman?

The fuck!? No way!

But I also debate with myself that if I were his wife, would I allow a small drift between us to widen into this colossal gorge that he feels cannot be bridged anymore? Never.

Never would I have let that happen.

But I also don't know her reasons for letting this happen, and with my vision of just one side of the situation, I wouldn't ever judge her at any cost. Even though the man in question is the same person, his wife is not me, and I am not her, and she must definitely have her own solid reasons for being this way, which not everyone would understand.

As much as I try to put myself in his wife's place and convince myself that everything Taehyung and I did together was totally wrong, and the feelings that we have for each other is completely forbidden, my mind also keeps pushing me to put myself in his shoes because I like him a lot, above and beyond everything else.

Though he's an adult man who is expected to keep himself together at all times, he still needs reassurance and support, and most of all, lots of love, just like everyone else on earth.

And what would anyone do when 'they feel' that the doors in their marriage are all sealed shut? When they 'no longer believe' that they could receive anything at all from those closed doors? Would they not want to open another window or break a wall to let the air and light in?

That's what he did to relieve his suffocation. To breathe in some air into his strangled lungs. And I completely understand that it wasn't just a physical need because the first time, though we got a little physical, he wasn't really trying to have sex with me.

The way Taehyung curled up to me that night, fearlessly being his most vulnerable self in my arms, and just thinking about that night still melts my heart, and it makes me miss him even more. I feel the increasing urge to have him close and give him everything he deserves—love, kindness, strength, attention, the whole world.

I haven't texted him or called him ever since that incident at my home, and neither has he contacted me, but every cell of my whole living being wishes that he should still be thinking about me. Is it wrong?

I mean, I don't even know what is right or wrong anymore.

The rational part of my mind keeps telling me that this is the end for us, and that he must take care of himself and his life on his own. But the irrational part of my mind which is governed by my heart and my feelings for him is whispering to me that I should always keep him close and never let him go, ever.