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114.

"Bataya kyun nahi mujhe yeh sab?" I asked her. I was hurt. If there was a word stronger than that, I was feeling that too.

It made my spines chill,the thought of something happening to her. To my child.

"I felt...ashamed" She whispered. I made space between us and kept the plate I was holding there. She had never used this word before.

"Ashamed?" I was confused.

"Ashamed of having a destiny like this,ashamed of having burdened two people with the responsibility of my life,ashamed of so many things" She answered, I could see the vulnerability in her eyes.

"Where is all this even coming from?" I couldn't understand what made her think all this. She missed her parents alot,yes; but I have never seen her blame herself for that.

"Chacha ji" She spoke and broke down before she could even finish her sentence.

"Chacha ji,what?" I asked. I wanted wrap her up in my arms and tell her I love her so much but not this time. Not. This. Time.

"He said-" She started telling me everything. From start to finish. The loans, the money, what chacha ji said about her and Rishabh being a burden. I boiled my blood. It fucking pissed me off.

There are times like this when you realise that things said out of sheer anger can hurt someone so much,even if you don't mean it. Tongue is a sword.

"You wouldn't have had to go through this alone if you had shared this with me" I told her. She wasn't getting any sympathy from me,not today.

"I know. But I felt ashamed Manik,I couldn't ask for money,I never have;from anyone. Meri zubaan hi nahi chal paati paise maangne ke liye,I feel so small when I have to do it" She cried bitterly.

"Paise nahi maangti Nandini,tum mujhe bata deti ki you don't need financial help from me for this and I would've backed off. I always have. I have never forced financial help on you but I could've been there for you emotional. I could've held you to tell you everything was going to be fine when you were hurting,so bad" I spoke everything I felt and she heard me intently. She was guilty. I know she was but that wasn't going to melt me this time.

"I know" She managed to say through her heavy sobs. Her face was red.

"Losing parents is your destiny. Having to live life without practically a backbone (patents) is your destiny but your destiny is also that you and I met. Your destiny is also us having this beautiful life together. It's all about what part you choose to focus on,Nandini" I said. If there's one thing I never wanted Nandini to feel,it was shame. It broke me that she was feeling it.

"Everything in this world can be blamed on you if you want Nandini. Everything can be your fault if you think that way. We live in our head,you can make yourself the most amazing or the most disgusting person in your head, it's your fucking choice. It's a choice you have to make" I was angry for alot of things. I was angry on chacha ji for saying what he said. I was angry on her for hiding this.

"And I don't care if you think that you're the worst god damn person to exist in this whole wide world because in my head, you're the strongest person to exist. Hell,you are my world." Every word I uttered was uttered in honesty. I needed to tell her everything I was feeling.

She kept crying hearing every word I said. She looked up at me under her heavy eyelids and I know how badly she needed my embrace.

"You know why I don't drive fast anymore? Because I am scared to die. I am scared to make you answer that phone call that might say that I have met an accident or that I am dead" I spoke brutal but honest truth. Nandini lunged forward towards me not being able to hear it.