In Darkest London

Chapter 4 ~ Chastity {'I Won't Do It'}

"I won't do it!" Chastity blurted as she threw herself onto the bed.

Hattie's face twisted and tightened, as if the pressure of pursing her lips was too much to bear and she was about to go off like a steam kettle, as she closed Chastity's bedroom door behind her. "Keep your voice down, little sister, we don't have a choice."

"We?" Chastity got up again and began to pace up and down, trailing the long, patterned rug that stretched out in front of the fireplace.

"You." Hattie grimaced. "You don't have a choice, you heard Father, there's no other way, apparently."

Chastity recognised that familiar look. It was jealousy in her sister's eyes. She'd seen it so many times growing up together. Things had been hard for Chastity too, being the centre of attention all the time, she never asked for it, nor did she feel it fair to be responsible for the obvious favouritism from Papa.

"You're not jealous are you? ... I don't want this on me Hatts, I never asked for it, you marry him if you're so determined there's no other way! I've seen the way you look at him."

"Don't be absurd! My role is here in this house, looking after Father and the estate and..." Hattie looked away. "There won't be an estate to look after if you don't do this for your family. She turned back, marched toward Chastity and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Do you know what could happen to us? The reality of the situation is if you don't do this, we will be out on the streets and dear Papa will be in debtors prison. Is that what you want?" She prodded a lanky thin finger into Chastity's chest as her voice narrowed to a sinister whisper. "Is it?"

"Let go of me!" Chastity pushed her away. "We- I hardly know the man, how can I know I'll even love him?"

"Love?" Hattie snorted. "Grow up little sister. This isn't about whether you can love Sir Lucian or not, it's about whether you love Father or not." She looked Chastity dead in the eye.

"That is not fair Hattie! You know I would do anything for him." She could feel her eyes begin to leak and didn't want Hattie to see she was getting to her, so turned her back and folded her arms, as if to embrace and comfort herself.

"Then you'll do as you are asked," Hattie said matter of factly. "As will I, as always. Life is about sacrifice and goodness knows, I've suffered that law of life more than most. Look!" She walked round to face her, and before she spoke again she stopped to stiffen her upper lip, stopping any chance of emotion from flowing out. "When mother died, I had no choice of my role in this house and now it appears, finally, neither do you." She turned her back to walk away... "Welcome to womanhood," she said as she walked out the door, closing it behind her.

Chastity ran to her bed, belly-flopped onto it and buried her face in her plush pillows to scream it all out. When she could cry no more, she rolled over and watched the shadows of the warm flames dance on the walls around her, as they cracked and cackled from the fireplace. She listened to the rain pattering hard on the windowpane outside and had an overwhelming sense of appreciation she'd never really noticed before; the comfort of what she's always called home. She was engulfed by horrifically intruding thoughts that the cold, dark night just outside those windows could soon become her reality.

If only there was another way, she thought. Just think Chas, think! She placed her fingers on her temples as if they held some sort of magic powers and would bring some enlightenment. She began to run through what they had said, trying to think logically of another way.

Her mind raced. Hattie could not take her place due to already being considered the age of a spinster. They had no means of making the enormous amount of money needed to keep the house in such a short space of time, even if they sold most of their worldly possessions. It still wouldn't cover it and really, they didn't know the faintest of ways to live without, what now seemed, such luxuries. We could run away, she thought, but where would we go? She began to mourn, it seemed, for the life she had planned for; to explore the world one day and visit all the places her father had talked about from the days before Hattie and her, when he and her dear Ma'ma were young and free of such obligations.

"I could not be tied down, I just couldn't," she said aloud to the walls.

If she wasn't ready now, she doubted she'd ever be ready. But what did all that matter if it saved Papa from debtors prison, if it saved their family name, she wondered all this and more. She wished Hattie could take her place; she would obviously leap at the chance, only a fool would not notice the affection she held for Sir Lucian. Chastity remembered seeing how quite pale Hattie went when their father had told them of his plan.

Ohh just think! She wished that she wasn't born a lady, then this would never have been asked or expected of her. There must be some way to figure all this out and fight for their name, their home, without her having to compromise herself... and then it came to her ... Fight!

She sat up and silenced the chatter in her head as she looked over to the stone wall that encased the fire and stared at the shadow of her archery belt which was magnified into the stone by the flames. "That's it," she said out loud to no one. "I'm going to fight this, and I'm going to win!"