Chapter One
It's almost 2pm and I'm leaving school, thank god! I hate school especially the people there. They criticize everything and all those who have something "strange" or weird. At school, everyone knows me as the depressive girl or suicidal girl. They all make fun of me too because I am the ugliest girl of the school, and because I'm always alone and stuff.
Now I'm going home to put my bag and school things and then go to another session in the psychologist. I get home and no one is there, like usually, my mom probably is at work and my brothers at school. I go to my room and put my schoolbag on my bed and then I put on some confortable clothes.
(...)
Now I'm in LA to my session, I get to the building where I was going to have my query. I go in and wait for Mr. Mark to call me. After 20 minutes, a lady with a tight dress and tied hair came up to me saying that Mr. Mark was waiting for me in his office.
I got up from the chair and followed the lady up to Mr. Mark office, I knocked the door to a voice on the other side of the door, telling me to enter.
- Good afternoon Samantha. - He said grabbing some papers.
- Good afternoon Mr. Mark. - I said sitting on the chair in front of him.
- Are you ready for one more session?
- It has to be right?
- Right - He laugh. - So how have you been since our last session?
- Fine. - I lied. -
- Have you ever had or done some suidicidal actions?
- No, I actually don't. - I lied again.
- Look Samantha, I know you don't like these sessions but you have to collaborate with me and telling me the truth or else I have to tell your mom what's going on seriously.
What? You ALREADY DONE THAT! I thought to myself.
- I know, and I'm sorry for that. - I don't. - Okay I've been a bit down and just went out to go to school ... But I have not had suicidal thoughts or reactions.
Okay I've probably lied to him in the last part but I can't tell him that I cut myself... I just can't... The session passed quickly and at about 3pm I was leaving the building. I caught a taxi, said my address and he took me there. I came, I handed the money and left the car. I open the door and see my mother and my brothers are already home.
- Hey sweetie how was your session? - My mom asked.
- Normal. - I said.
- And are you okay?
- Of course.
I said and went to my room. I closed the door and went directly to the bathroom of my room and went to shower. When I'm in the shower, I like to think of everything around me. This relaxes me but sometimes leads me to intense weeping.
I finish showering and took a towel to cover my naked body. I left the bathroom and went to the front of my mirror. I lifted the blanket and looked at my body in the mirror seeing all my imperfections. I started to cry to see every piece of my disgusting body. I was a few minutes looking at myself in the mirror when I decided to wear shorts and a sweatshirt and after I was dressed, I get on my blade that was hidden in my drawer..
I sit on my bed, I grab my blade and start to cut my arm. The first cut is always the deepest because it's that time where I have more anger. I felt the pain but after the pain is gone, but I'm used to it.
