im always crying late at night i jus never tell anyone i used to be so close wit my family but now we aint even close i used to tell them everything but now i dont even talk at home i jus feel like shit some mornings i jus dont wanna get up and i feel like dying but i cant bc i already put my family thru so much shit they tell me every minute im not with them they feel sick worrying about me bc they dont trust me enough and they know that i be havin these suicidal thoughts and its all starting to be too much but like i got a girlfriend and i love her but some times its all too much for me and i can barely breathe jus thinkin bout her cun dont even get me started bout my brother anayas we used to be so close after my parents left us jus me and him vs the world we got starved at night we would have to sneak food he took care off me there wasnt one time i remember him not helping me thru shit i miss that lil fuckhead so much i wish he didnt leave i didnt even get to say sorry and thankyou for all the shut we went thru together when we was little my mum and dad are drug addicts that chose prison over us and now they wanna come back into ours life after so long nearly every night i would cry and wonder why they didnt love us and why did they leave it jus hurt to much to the point i couldnt even talk about them it jus hurts so much i litterally had cutts all up and down my arms and legs bc it was hurting so much now i cry myself to sleep everynight bc of all they trauma they put me thru most nights i cant even sleep anymore. its irratating that they disrespect me and tell me to stop smokin and cuttin and stop bein sooky but they dont even realise this is all there fault everything they did has impacted my life i got ptsd from the shit i remember when i was little man my dad holding my mum at knife point in the kitchen and hiding from the cops in the front seat on my lap while my dad is flogging it down the highway i remember fallin thru a glass door and glass goin thru my back when i was 3... now i litterally have so much memories of friends and family that jus flood my mind to the point where i can barely think anymore.im litterally ballin my eyes out rn i miss my friends and family so much i would do anything to be back in dtown man. jus to be with them. chaiyce and noah litterally fucjing helped me thru everything man whenn i tried to kms they were there for me even at my lowest they helped me thru everything i fucking love thoes fuck heads so much. them and anayas were the only good things in my life back then and i fucked it all up i got in to much shit i had to movei shouldve jus kept my head donw and did all the right shit now im stuck down here if i could go back and do evetrything differently i would
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