"It's them it's fucking them!! The people who put me in that fucking orphanage the people who abandoned me and the people who I once called my fucking family"
What happens when Alexandra accidentally bumps into her "family" at the mall? Will she eve...
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You are not alone. You are seen. I am with you. You are not alone." — Shonda Rhime
⚠️TW ED ⚠️
Alexandra's POV:
I need to get the fuck out of here "Hey Mia imma go for a quick walk" I say as I turn to look at her
Yea sure are you okay?Do you want me to come with you?" She questioned with a concerned look on her face
"Yea I'm good it's just really loud in here and I feel like going on a little walk" I say with the best fake smile I could possibly do as I start to stand up
"Oh,okay call me if you need anything and don't forget meet me in gym class after lunch" she says while giving me a warm smile
"Yea for sure! See you later love you" I say while hugging her and waving bye to Grey
As I'm walking towards the cafeteria doors I see my brother's with concerned look so I just smile to reinsure them that I'm okay, it seemed like it worked cause they gave me a nod signalling that I can go so with that I walk out
⚠️TW SH,ED and substance abuse/drug abuse⚠️
Now I fucked up cause now I'm alone with my thoughts, and it's making me feel afraid
You know what the Worst part of having a eating disorder is? It's the guilt
The guilt you feel for not eating,the guilt you feel for not keeping your promise,the guilt you feel of watching your family suffer because of you, the guilt you feel of letting everyone you love down all over again
It's either feeling guilty or feeling fucking numb
The numb feeling usually comes after you throw up all your food,the numb feeling is when you can't feel any emotion..it's the feeling were you can't feel anything not sad,angry,happy,relief,disgust not one not even fucking guilty
And that's when you just crave to have an emotion any kind of emotion you just want to feel something doesn't matter what you feel
And that's why you keep repeating over and over again until you start feeling again but that "feeling" never lasts and when that high is gone..you start to find other ways to feel something
It could be self harm like cutting,burning, scratching your self
Of if you just want to except and feel free you turn to drugs, alcohol,party's,sex
But again all those ways to "feel" never last so because you loved the way it made you feel you do it again and again until it just starts to be a routine at that point
