🇫🇷🇴🇿🇪🇳 🇭🇪🇦🇷🇹 - 🇦🇫🇹🇪🇷 "🇮 🇩🇴"

Author's Note

Hi. It's been a while.

A lot has happened in the time I've been gone. Some bad, and some good. The past couple months have been room for a lot of personal changes and growth. My family (mother and oldest sister) have opened a business; a cafe/restaurant that has been in the works for a little while and it's been opened since January. I've been working along with them while I consider what I want for myself. What I've always wanted for myself.

Since the age of 11 I've struggled with mental health. It started from childhood, crept into my teenage years, and eventually followed me into adulthood. Now at 21, there's still a lot of things I feel can be worked towards. Luckily in the past eight months I've had the opportunity to do so.

I think now, after some reflection, I've grown to accept certain things. Things that have happened in the past, things that can't be changed, and things I wished I could have done differently. There's still a lot of conflict, but despite not being where I thought I would be in my life, I feel content. Like it'll get better eventually. Having that mindset alone has made things easier for me. I'm in a place where I'm the happiest I've ever been, and I have a lot to thank for this. So I will. Thank you to everyone. My family, for being patient. My friends, for being present. My readers for being supportive. Myself for being understanding. Even for those who are no longer here with me or left along the way, thank you for the memories.

My biggest thank you goes to you, my nephew. You came to me when I was at my lowest. When I found out about you, I was just about to give up. A big part of me still planned to, even after the news was confirmed. It was the hardest battle I ever fought. I felt like I didn't have a reason to keep going. But I did, and of all life's prizes or gifts or material things I could ever receive, your existence was by far the greatest reward.

It was terrifying knowing that there was someone so small, and so delicate that depended on me. It's why I distanced myself so much when you first arrived. I didn't want you to hurt the way I have in the past. I couldn't stand the idea of being the cause of it. Or anyone else, for that matter. Then I held you for the first time. You grabbed my finger and held me like you didn't ever want to let go. I held you the same way. The world stopped and everything just fell into place.

You're 4 months old now and I can't imagine life without you. When I get home from work you're there waiting for me. Sometimes you can't help but fall asleep if I take too long, but on others you're there with those big bright eyes, looking towards the door. The second I come in you light up and you can't help but smile. You always smile, and when you do the world just seems to stop all over again. It feels like it has even while I write this.

I say all of this to say that despite losing myself in the past, there's so much more to look forward to in the future. I lost the passion to continue this book at some point or another, along with the stories that rooted back to my old self when I hurt the most. That doesn't mean I'll stop completely though. I'll still be open to continuing and perfecting my craft - maybe even turning it into something more than just that - it just means that the chapter of this story in particular has come to an end.

I hope to regain that passion in the future, maybe one that's even stronger. I love writing, and I love the effect my writing has on others even more. It all gives me a reason to keep pushing forward. Maybe someday soon I'll be able to do something that's just as great as I've done here. Did you know it all stemmed from a joke between a friend and I in junior highschool? It's amazing to see how far we've come.

I'll be more present on social media now that I've been recovering well. That also means my comments and inbox will be open for all of you. We are family, after all. Feel free to message with requests, questions, encouragement - anything you'd like. I can't wait to see the kind of memories we can make in the future.

Thank you for your constant support, and thank you for following the development of Frozen Heart.

- J