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[𝙴𝚙𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚍𝚎 𝟷.𝟻] 𝚃𝚊𝚕𝚔 𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚞𝚝

I didn't know it at the time, but that had been my voice echoing all throughout the empty Shadow Basin.

Taylor had picked me up, carrying me to the Jaeger they found. I wasn't there, not really, I bet he was gentle with me, with the way he set me down inside of the giant machine, brushing my hair out of my face.

I couldn't move, couldn't react.

I was just as much a corpse as Shannon or Rosa, Toby and Thomas, Gregory, and anyone else left behind in Shadow Basin.

We stayed in that unmoving Jaeger for hours, my head on Taylor's shoulder as Hayley actively cried onto her brothers chest.

I couldn't cry. Was I in shock? Yeah, that sounded right.

I think early on they bandaged me up, or maybe it was later after the tears had dried? I couldn't focus enough to care.

Shannon's words, her face and body were stuck in my memory. The home we had created over the last five years was just, gone, like that, in a day.

I said her name, I said it again, bile rising in my throat. It felt like poison, or like the fires of hell were coming to swallow me whole while Shannon watched me from above, looking down at me from heaven.

I knew, deep inside she'd at least be glad I lived, right? Right? Right?

Who was angry with me? Who wasn't?

I stared at the floor for so long, I don't remember blinking. Though I must've at some point.

It was hard to tell in the dark, inactive Jaeger, but the sun had gone down at some point. And all three of us had drifted off to sleep.

I only know this because I woke up on Taylor's chest, cuddled up next to Hayley who was lying on her brother and hugging me. The brunet male was still leaning on the wall.

I untangled myself from them, trying to breathe. It hurt, but it was dull now, more manageable.

At lease these two were okay, I thought as I looked over their sleeping faces. They were wearing Jaeger pilot uniforms, without the headgear.

I guess it makes sense that they killed that Kaiju.

I leaned back on the wall, bringing my knees to my chest and putting my chin on them, arms around my legs. I wanted to be small.

Taylor stirred next to me as I buried my head into my legs.

He groaned, there was a pause, I didn't look up, "(Y/n)?" He spoke.

"Thomas," I croaked out, "Toby, Kevin, Gregory, Ms. Williams, Ms. Selena," I spoke the names of dead people.

"Shannon," my voice broke and I lurched, trying to collect myself, the remains of what was left.

I heard shifting, and something being placed onto the Jaegers cold metal floor before warm arms encircled me.

And I cried. I cried every year that was left in my cold body.

"Taylor, Taylor I killed them! Shannon, I— If I had been—" He shushed me like one would when trying to comfort a crying child, and I guess that's what I was right now.

"You didn't do anything wrong, (Y/n), it was an accident. I doubt anyone could have prevented what happened." He told me, but it didn't seem completely genuine to me, which made me cry more.

"If I had gone to the drop-off sooner, if I had ran instead of freezing, if I had been a few more feet away, if I had stayed with Shannon when she—" I couldn't breath again, it became too hard, I started wheezing, gasping for air. Taylor rubbed my back and pulled me closer.

I clutched his shoulder with one hand for dear life, the other clawed at my clothes as I tried to get my chest to stop restricting.

"My mom, Taylor, my mom's gone too. Why is it everyone I love and care about dies?" I asked less to him and more to the air, asking whatever was up there controlling this he'll we live in.

"We're still here, aren't we?" Hayley's groggy voice cuts in as she shifted from her resting place over to us, placing her head on her brothers shoulders as she tried to stay awake, still, there were bags under her eyes and she looked restless.

I would be less surprised if horrors and
nightmares didn't follow her into sleep.

"Who knows? Maybe your deaths'll just be prolonged. Eventually, I kill everyone around me..." I had no strength left to even raise my head, I collapsed onto Taylor's chest. He tightened his hold on me.

"Heh," maybe it was supposed to be a laugh that escaped my lips, but it got caught before it could, "Maybe that's why my father left, maybe he saw the signs..."

"STOP," Hayley exclaimed in anger, I could barely lift my head to stare at her as she started to cry fat, hot tears.

"I did it! I did it! I did it!" She cried like a mantra, collapsing in on herself like I had. "I killed them!" She screamed, the guilt ridden anguish in her voice made me cry and reach out my arms to her.

She collapsed into me, Taylor wrapped his arms around us both, trying to say something, anything, to keep us from breaking.

We sat there for the remaining hours of the night, crying together. Trying to piece ourselves back together.

_________

You can really tell what device I'm writing these chapters on sometimes, can't you?

𝚃𝚊𝚢𝚕𝚘𝚛
𝙵𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙 - 𝟷𝟶𝟶%
𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎 - 𝟼𝟽%
𝕀𝕥'𝕤 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕗𝕒𝕦𝕝𝕥, 𝕨𝕖'𝕝𝕝 𝕓𝕖 𝕠𝕜𝕒𝕪. 𝔻𝕠𝕟'𝕥 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪.

𝙷𝚊𝚢𝚕𝚎𝚢
𝙵𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙 - 𝟿𝟹%
𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎 - 𝟹𝟸%
𝕀𝕥'𝕤 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕗𝕒𝕦𝕝𝕥. 𝕀𝕥'𝕤 𝕞𝕪 𝕗𝕒𝕦𝕝𝕥.

(𝚈/𝚗)
[𝚁𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚌] 𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝙼𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢
𝚃𝚊𝚢𝚕𝚘𝚛 - 𝟼𝟾%
𝙷𝚊𝚢𝚕𝚎𝚢 - 𝟹%
𝚂𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚘𝚗 - 𝟷𝟶𝟶%
ℙ𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕖 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕓𝕒𝕔𝕜, 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕠𝕟. 𝔻𝕠𝕟'𝕥, 𝕕𝕠𝕟'𝕥 𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕞𝕖. 𝕋𝕒𝕪𝕝𝕠𝕣, ℍ𝕒𝕪𝕝𝕖𝕪, 𝕡𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕖, 𝕝𝕖𝕥'𝕤 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕠𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣.