"Social Anxiety"
I don't know if I have this so-called social anxiety.
For the past three years, I had this fear that I can't understand why.
For instance, I have fear of walking in public.
My eyes get watery, that in any minute I might cry.
When reporting, even if I'm prepared. My mind will automatically go blank.
My body is trembling, stuttering that will eventually utter nonsense words.
I can't pronounce words properly.
People often misunderstand it and say "she's just shy"
but no.
The feeling that you want new friends but you hate socializing.
The feeling that you want to go out to buy something — but you can't.
The feeling that you want to hide your face when walking because you feel like someone is staring and judging you.
You can't handle eye contact, can't eat in front of people, can't ask for help.
That's the worst feeling.
——————————
After reading the letter, she felt goosebumps all over her body. The sensation of fear is lingering and is still haunting her until now.
...
" I've been living with 'you' for almost six years, longer than the relationship I had with my friends" she awkwardly chuckled at her joke.
After that, she looked at the score that was written with a green glitter pen.
" 50/50 huh? how pretentious." she thinks she got a perfect score because of her pretentious conclusion.
"Now I am slowly changing myself into a better person you say?. You know very well that you are struggling to cope up — "
snap!!!
She is stepping into an endless loop of negative self-talk again, beating herself over a past mistake.
" I'm sorry, I forgive you," she said in a gentle tone and crumpled the paper in her hand.
- END.
YOU ARE READING
Six Years
Short StoryJannah is a 19-year-old girl who is suffering from social anxiety. While she was sorting her old papers, a long bond paper with a big heart and three pink flower designs caught her attention - It was an output she made when she was in high school.
