It has been years since the pandemic started. With all the twist and turns, life's unexpected events, disappointments, heartache and finally the ability to accept things, move forward and begin again. Last year was one of my life's greatest challenge. It was with great disappointment how my ever dream has put into end. I was happy I thought I finally found the missing piece in me the one that I've been praying for but then, my fear and situation didn't let it happen. I was eaten by the situation and it made me lost. I doubted and asked God why does he let this happen and even question his love towards me. I was down that only my closest friends and family knew about it. I tried to work it out contradicting what God has planned for me. I do it my way not his way but then things just get miserable. My fear grow and eats me and it made me push away the man that I love and those people who love me.
As I began my journey to follow his will. I take time to step back, let go and look at my situation from afar. Finally, I let it go and decide to grow and it opens a lot of doors for me. Doors of opportunities, new friends and self-discovery. I realized how blessed I was to have people who truly cares for me, who genuinely love me. This year becomes a year of reconciliation a year of new beginnings and an opportunity to grow and learn from my past mistakes. This year is also the time where I began to rebuild my relationship with God and entrust everything to him. As I begin my journey with him and close a chapter in my past, a new door has open. It's challenging and I find it uneasy because I'm still rebuilding myself yet a broken soul has come over me who's also fixing his way to God. How could that possibly be that you encounter someone at your worst and try to resist and be firm to his plans for you. I guess God allows us to meet each other to be the challenge of the path that we're trying to pursue with him. I begin to feel fear again but I counter it with his promise. I am confident and trusting his process. I'm not ready to jump into something since I am not complete with Christ and I'm still in my healing journey. Healing from disappointments and forgiving myself. Jesus alone is enough and is the only man that I am allowing in my life.
Many of us might be in the same journey with me. The pressure is real. Sometimes you can't just understand the things that's happening around us. In our life in our environment. We question him in his plans, his no and begin to ask why and have doubts on him. It takes courage to turn sorrow into blessing to be thankful for it. The waiting process seems to be exhausting and hopeless but it's actually an opportunity for us to learn. Learn to value ourselves, assess our life and check if we are on the right path, address and start to heal those unhealed wounds that we have in us that we haven't look at because we're just putting bandage on it. Admitting you are wrong and yielding everything to God that you allow him be the pilot of your life is never easy but its possible and once we do wholeheartedly, he will make us feel his presence that he love us that he never leave us and he's just waiting for us to walk with him again. I must admit I still fail him but I keep on moving forward and I know soon I'll reach that destination and grant that desire that I have in my heart that one thing that he allow.
Life is a never journey of learning and in every learning gives us an opportunity to grow. Grow as a person, grow spiritually and grow in God's promise. His timing, not mine.
