Sketch Book

2022

Funny how when you become an adult and you look back into your kid and teen years it all feels so far away.

You feel like a completely different person and it's almost like you can't recognize yourself.

Just 5 years ago my mind was set on becoming some type of artist, either animation, special effects, or tattoo artist even If I had no clue where to even start with those.

Now as a 19 yr old I've fallen out of love with art, something that was basically a part of my identity just gone. If I told myself years ago that I would be studying psychology I would've never believed it.

Now that I'm moving away and becoming independent I reminisce back on those years, and I've noticed how much I've changed and matured. I won't lie there are times where I can feel myself acting like the person I once was, and I believe "maybe I haven't changed that much" but with years of experiences and changes comes a certain "consciousness".

Also 5 years ago I would've never guessed that I'd become a stoner lol.

But it's not easy becoming an adult knowing you're so close to entering your 20s and still having to heal so much of your kid and teen self.
I want to grow and move forward with my life, be independent, be happy and grateful for the life I've been given, but more often then not I find myself in a wave of nostalgia and melancholia. Reaching out for my past so desperately wanting to feel the way i felt back then.

Adulting at least in my case is such a lonely journey. All your friends are either starting families, working, going to college, moved away... many even passed. You lose touch as you all move on with your life.

And for many of us depressed folks it almost feels like everyone ELSE is moving on and you're stuck in a place, mindset, being, feeling.

I'm glad I've matured and grown, but I miss the bliss ignorance of it all. Just pure serotonin, not a care for the world, how they see me. No worries at all, just school.

Anyways it just sounds like I'm nagging lol. I'm very grateful for what I've been given in life and the experiences I've gone, through even if they were bad they shaped me into the person I am today. I just really miss my old life, it wasn't perfect but I used to be incredibly optimistic so my point of view of life was... well lively. I have a lot more to share and say, but never been much of a writer and I don't know how to express the feelings and thoughts that zoom through my head. So for now let this be a summary of my life.

I came back here to delete this account lol, but I already deleted my Snapchat and Facebook and lost all my pictures. That's enough memories to erase.

Here are some pictures of my senior yr AP art class(late 2020-2022) and some other art here and there I did after that. Since this was originally a sketchbook not some kind of diary lol.

Enjoy.