The Blue Eyed Suicide

Prologue

I fell against the floor hard. It was one thing having to take gym for 2 semesters; it was a whole other thing to actually participate. Coach Keller stared at me with a scowl he always seemed to have, (I'm becoming convinced it's plastered there.)
"Well Mister Lawson, good news is nothing's broken. Bad news is I'm gonna have to fail you. I swear I've never had someone fall from doing pull ups."
"I guess there's a first for everything..." I mumbled low under my breath.
I could feel eyes gazing at me. I didn't have to look up to know my whole gym class was staring dumbfounded at me.
I held my breath, waiting for the ridicule to come. Before I got to 6 Mississippi, Marcus Young started chuckling.
"What the hell Lawson?"
"Watch your mouth Young!" Coach Keller gave both of us a stare before telling us all to hit the showers.
I slowly got up, not really wanting to look at anyone. I'm convinced that the only reason they created gym was to separate the athletic, deserving children from the uncoordinated loners.
I hadn't always been like this, but since freshman year I just started going down hill.
Have you ever met someone who impacted you? Like their whole existence, ever since they came into, has made yours better?
A lot of people have forgotten freshman year. But I haven't. I still have nightmares at night. I still see everyone staring at me with sorrowful, scared eyes. I still see the principal running out with the teachers to see what happened.
And I still feel that empty feeling. I still feel that ache, as if someone ripped a part of me out. Most people would say I have anxiety or depression or some mental disorder. I promise I don't. All I suffer from is losing a part of me. Like a soldiers lose body parts. I lost half of me. And it still aches and it still hurts.
But, as I let the cold gym shower water run over my face and down to the floor, I look over to see no one in the next stall. I know it's silly, but I still yearn to see someone there...