He Used to be Mine

Chapter 3:The Annulment

He is hard on himself.

He is broken and won't ask for help.

Those are just papers. You sign it and it's all over.

It is that simple. The words just kept on going back and forth in Win's mind. He's trying his best to contain how he feels as he waits for Bright in the place they agreed to meet up. Maaga siya sa lugar, marahil dala na rin ng kabang kagabi pa niya nararamdaman.

Nakakatawa rin lang na isipin na kapirasong papel na rin lang naman talaga ang nag-uugnay sa kanilang mag-asawa. And a paper is just a paper. It doesn't have a meaning unless one gives significance to it. At iyon ang hindi nagawa ni Bright, ang hindi bigyang importansya ang papel na nagbibigkis sa kanila ni Win.

To Bright it was just a paper, but to Win, seven years ago, it was the life that he envisioned. It was the life that he chose. It was the life that he believed he deserved. Pero aanhin mo nga naman ang papel kung hindi naman nito maibibigay sa iyo ang ninais mo, ang pinapangarap mo, ang buhay mo na sa palagay mo ay para sayo.

Bright acted as if Win's love was owed up to him, but all he did was give Win apathy. Para bang responsibilidad ni Win ang mahalin siya noong mga panahong sila pa. Parang responsibilidad ni Win na unawain siya, na maging present lagi para sa kanya. This is only one of the many things that Bright did to Win. Kulang ang espasyo sa isang blangkong canvass sa pagkukwento ng lahat ng nangyari sa kanila.

Huminga si Win nang malalim, pilit kinokontrol ang pag-ahon ng kaba sa dibdib. He feels like he's drowning, a pool of emotions taking over him gradually. Para siyang isang yelong nauupos sa init ng araw. He tried to recall his conversation with Khao last night.

"It's been seven years, Win. I think it's about time na putulin niyo na kung anumang koneksyon meron kayo," Khao said when Win thought of not meeting Bright dahil hindi niya nga alam kung papaano na naman magrereact ang katawan niya. For Bright to see him in such a vulnerable state is a nightmare for Win.

"Pero baka hindi ko na naman makontrol ang anxiety attacks ko," nag-aalalang sagot ni Win sa kaibigan.

"Dodging this meet up for years will not do you good. Hindi mo hinaharap yung takot mo. You were just trying to avoid it," paliwanag ni Khao sa kaibigan. Huminga muna ito ng malalim saka nagpatuloy, "Ganito na lang, sasamahan kita. Agahan natin, tapos uupo ako in area na matatanaw kita pero malayo sa inyo to give you privacy. If anything happens, I'll be there," suhestiyon ni Khao.

This made Win feel a bit better. At least having Khao around will give him somehow that assurance na walang mangyayaring masama sa kanya. Above all, hindi siya maiiwanan na kasama si Bright in such a vulnerable state.

"Tapos ganito. Everytime you feel like you can't breathe, pumikit ka. Then, tell yourself, 'I can do this because I deserve to be happy.'" Khao continued instructing. "And maybe after that, magiging okay na rin ang lahat."

"Thanks a lot, Khao. Hindi ko alam gagawin ko if wala ka," Win honestly expressed.

"Sus! Kaya mo. Masyado ka lang nauunahan ng takot. And I get that. Mahirap naman talaga tanggapin lahat ng nangyari sayo," paliwanag ni Khao.

Win placed his attention back to the present. Tinanaw niya si Khao sa di kalayuan at nginitian. He smiled back and signaled 'okay' to Win. The latter just felt at ease for a moment because he knew na nariyan ang kaibigan para suportahan siya.

Not another minute later, Bright entered the restaurant. He looked fine, Win thought. But Win knew that he looked better when they were together. Bright is now sporting peppered stubbles. Parang mas matanda ng limang taon ang itsura nito kaysa sa orihinal na edad nito. They have the same age so Win knew.